Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Daisy

The following passage came to me in a meditation. It was so clear and vivid that I knew I had to write it down.

Pollen floats about, flies without an obvious care in the world, and at some point will pollinate. And when the time is right, a seed will fall to the ground.

As this seed I am dormant, and yet alive. I know the world through a stationary sense. The darkness that I slip into is my world, and yet I am dead to it. I think I am alive, and the days and nights that pass overhead certainly look like life to me. I may even be picked up by the wind, carried about to meet other seeds. We shall certainly commend each other, content at how wholesome we are, how safe we are in our shells.

But I will remain locked in a shell. An inner yearning, a compulsion that I cannot explain drives me onward. Sometimes I resist the wind and at other times I am carried by it willingly; for you see I believe that this wind is my life, that the shell the extent of who I am. I believe that the wind is destiny and that my fate is in the hands of natural chaos.

And then one day I fall to the ground. I have reached a breaking point, of sorts. The inner questioning burns within, and yet I see no fire. The spark of life burns within me and I suddenly realize I am dead to it. I sink into the earth and in a manner that only an Infinite consciousness could conceive I find myself unable to see anymore for all the darkness.

In this darkness I fall silent. I look within and question the spark that I now sense. The spark begins to ignite, but there is no flame, only a hunger. What lies beyond this shell? The limit of my awareness suddenly falters, and for the first time in this existence of mine I suddenly realize that I am more than a seed caught within a shell.

Numerous feet suddenly sprout from beneath my body, my core. Stretching the many toes I suddenly feel, I wiggle them deeper, until my legs relax, my feet feel certain, and my toes find nourishment. In the deepest darkness my enquiry brings me at last to an understanding – I must reach upward, outward.

My awareness lifts, awareness searching above. I am surrounded by darkness but I know there is something beyond. Something within me compels me to raise my head, uncoil my body, and to forge on. My resolve is fueled by the darkness all around, my feet, my roots, press upon it, and provides the foundation that now propels me outward. The weight of the world is almost unbearable. I feel like I have hit a breaking point, as I cannot keep going. And yet quite to my own surprise strength within me that I didn’t know I had energizes me in one last effort. The beauty of experience is understood and in a flash a finger I break through the soil’s surface.

In a sudden rush I am blinded by sunlight: Such energy, such intensity. For a moment I recoil out of shock, almost unable to comprehend the contrast, and yet the light that now beats upon me is as necessary as the darkness that forms the foundation about my roots.

I am growing now. As I sprout upward the deeper my roots dig into the darkness the higher I can reach. The light grows closer, yet the light has no meaning in this experience without the darkness. I drink the sun as it bathes me. I feel its energy course though me even as I stretch my roots deeper still to drink from the earth. All is necessary as I grow. Every stretch downward and upward complete who I am.

Suddenly I realize that my head is expanding. The growth I sense about me has been slowly working its way around my mind. As I enquire within I am reassured. I forget what is happening; the cycles of the sun and breezy nights wage a dulcet and lulling dance with the water of the earth drawn through my feet. I continue to live, to grow, unable to specifically articulate what is happening to my head.

And then I look up again. Suddenly I am filling with a sensation that was a compelling as the first time my head broke through the soil. White petals now unfurl about me, like sheets drying on the wind. I see a yellow glow and realize that my head is now a clustered core, the centre of the petals that reach outward. I marvel even as the breeze does more to move me than ever before. Like a billowing tent I am now, more than ever, subject to the physical movement of the wind about me; yet, I remain clear. The sun calls; the earth’s drink and coolness remind me of who I am. I find an indescribable strength in this.

Cycles of sun and moon pass me by. I celebrate the knowing of this moment. What was a spark within me has started to fulfill itself; it has begun to be. I struggle to articulate what this means, but I find peace in it nonetheless. I can remember all I have experienced, and it strengthens me, and my resolve grows even as my attachment diminishes. And at the moment I release myself to this peace my petals begin to feel weak.

For so long the wind swayed and soothed me, but now it wracks me, pulls me apart. For a moment I panic. Petals begin to sail away. And yet I am suddenly aware. My awareness expands and as I focus I suddenly realize that I am seeing through each petal just as I am the core. I float, I sway, and float in many ways. Some parts of me land close by, others float for longer distances. But I suddenly realize that each petal is returning to the earth. Nourishment will be returned to that which allowed me to expand. The cycle of energy will allow others to reach as I did, support them in their journey.

And then I am petal-less. But I know something special is about to happen. My head shakes suddenly, and for a brief violent moment I realize that a gust of wind is lifting me. I fall upward, away, drawn in thousands of directions at once. I am pollen now, so many particles floating. The wind carries me, and yet within I remember the journey I have taken. Each part of me is now carried with abandon to many places.

With joy I encounter many other flowers, I fall to the ground, and I float on to new and distant lands. With joy I return to whence I came, gifting Nature with the expression that I once was.

(c) Copyright, 2010, Carmien Owen

Beginning

As I prepare for this next phase of my life I am spending time in contemplation.  Over the past year (and 100+ blogs) I have occasionally mentioned that I am becoming a Practitioner.  Perhaps more for myself than anything else I thought it would be a good moment to clarify what that means to me. 

What is a Practitioner?  After a few years of studying I am beginning to understand.  A Practitioner is a spiritual coach, someone who has taken the time and dedicated themselves to the Truth.  In understanding and embodying this Truth in all that they think, say, and do a Practitioner then makes the conscious choice to offer this understanding to others.  A Practitioner recognizes the God in all.  The idea of omnipresence is taken literally, and has deep meaning to a Professional Practitioner.  It means that not only does the Practitioner recognize the Divine in themselves, but in others as well.

A Practitioner carries this Truth (or least strives to) in their thoughts all the time.  Thoughts become words, which become action.  In this state of service a Practitioner then meets others that are drawn to them.  When finding themselves in a darkened room the Practitioner carries a light with them.  Their faith of God, not in God, supports them to seeing the perfect idea of God in all those they meet.

When a Practitioner meets another, this knowing of the Divine in all is the basis of everything they think, say, and do.  One of the specific services a Practitioner can offer is affirmative prayer.  A Practitioner does an affirmative prayer for themselves, knowing that action of thought is all that is required to allow the Divine to shine through.  A Practitioner deliberately and clearly works with the Divine.  They understand that through Divine or Cosmic Laws (sometimes called the Law) that their mental thoughts produce an equivalent in the world around us.

Over the past few years I have been learning the science of affirmative prayer, the techniques and processes that operate in accordance with the Law (the part of God that makes it so).  I am beginning to understand the art of affirmative prayer, understanding that as much as the skills can be learned and taught that a conscious awareness of the Divine as I experience life gives me insight into God, and the Law. 

As I take this next step and become a Practitioner-Intern I am beginning to see things differently.  My entire life is gradually, sequentially, and inevitably becoming focused on seeing a perfect spiritual idea called God in all that I meet.  As I work with the Law, having the faith of God, it works with me.

Beginning
I know I am beginning,
Yet I am here a while more.
Not quite ready to vanish,
or chart a path from this shore.

Belief clipped wings are loosened,
I now beat my wings to love.
No cage to be demolished,
now drunken amongst these doves.

The scent of roses now call.
I inhale, your Oneness clear.
I point to a timeless Truth.
I now see through your fears.

The dove would flee the winter.
Yet foolhardy dove I be.
Flying over clues of Fall,
inspiring, support, and free.

(c) Copyright 2010, Carmien Owen

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Vulnerable

On Saturday I had the chance to spend a day in retreat with some 35 other Practitioners. It was a great day. I had a chance to reflect and be at peace.

The very first exercise involved taking 5 pieces of paper from a bag. Each piece of paper had a quality of being on it. I got:
Alert - Alert - Alert - Vulnerable - Vulnerable

I could have gotten 5 different qualities, but no, not I. No, I had to have the Universe tell me that I had to really be alert and vulnerable.

Interestingly, over the past few weeks I've been focusing on the idea of surrender. You know, where you surrender to the Divine flow, knowing that every experience and event is all supporting your evolution and unfoldment (if you'll just get the ego out of the way that is). Perhaps I was biased, but when I saw those two slips with Vulnerable on them the word 'surrender' jumped to mind.

More intrestingly, when Rev. Patrick Cameron was talking about qualities of being 5 or so years ago I'd encountered Vulnerable then as well. However, at that point it was a scary word. To me it meant being vulnerable to things happening to you.

In the ensuing years vulnerable has come to be an empowering word. When you know that there's a power for good in the universe and that you can use it the idea of vulnerability takes on a different meaning. But to move from that belief one needs to know that the Divine is in, through, and as everything. Once you have that faith of a good working for all in the Universe then vulnerable takes on a whole new meaning.

As I'm writing this I'm still struggling to capture, in writing, the right definition of vulnerable from this vantage. But I will say that my instinct is bringing me back to surrender. When I surrender to the Divine I'm making myself vulnerable. When I say "My life is God's life" I'm offering up my life to God. When I release all attachment to outcomes I am surrendering to whatever may come to pass.

Perhaps vulnerability is a form of surrender? But I think it's more than that...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Book Idea!

A few weeks ago I was thinking about the idea of writing a piece of fiction that would tie the spiritual principles and philosophy I live by together.  The premise is simple - I think that imparting ideas, principles and concepts through story is a very compelling way to share.  At the time I realized that what I didn't have was an 'idea'.  I knew at the time that the idea would need to excite me.  So, I simply set the intention and released it.

Well, during a meditation tonight an idea came to mind. And yes, I am very excited. I won't say too much more for now.  Of course, those who know me will be familiar with the passion with which I throw myself into new exciting ideas.  I've already got pages of written outline and notes, a bunch of research to do, and have just finished writing a draft of the first 3 pages. 

If you've a mind I'd welcome your conscious support of perfect self-expression on this writing project.  Blessings, joy and peace my friends!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

His Reply

Following the reply blogged I received the following email.  Sometimes it is humbling to see the Divine in action.  The last sentence in particular really cracked my heart open.
You are an amazing person Carmien. You have an inner peace that I haven't found yet. You are blessed.



I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the thoughts. I am not a person who really opens himself up to the level of self reflection you are clearly comfortable with. I think it is the reason I continue to search in the wrong way for the level of self actualization you describe. Frankly it frustrates me that I can use my talents for so many things but not myself. I also think it is the reason I get so busy - it allows me to avoid the final stage of self actualizing that you describe.


I think everything happens for a reason. I am coming to that "place of clarity" you so correctly observe but I wish it would get here more quickly and less painfully.


I will call you Carmien. But I think it will be a luncheon where I ask a friend to give me some counsel - not something I do very easily unfortunately.


Thank you. Your response has been equally as compelling as the passing of my friend to make me really address this next stage of my life.


Thank you.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Reply

If you have been following my last few blog postings you will be aware that I recently had an experience that in the past I would have called adverse.  When I started writing the blog I had it in mind to bring discipline to journaling. I then came to believe that I was writing so that I could ‘be’ a writer. After that I started to wonder if other people were reading this blog. After installing a widget on the blog to measure the hits I discovered a few months ago that this blog is hardly 'blog of the week'.  I might get the occasional visitor or two from what I can tell.  *waves and smiles warmly to Cambridge, Ontario*

It turns out that I've learned that I’m actually writing for myself, for my own healing and growth. It is possible that some day in the future someone will read these and get what they need. But I do know that I’ve benefitted through writing for myself – I’ve found a way to journal as a spiritual practice. And that craft of journaling has actually turned into a tool I can use as a Practitioner, not only for myself but for others. How wonderful is that!

At any rate, after some time taken to introspect, to search within for the truth, I wrote the following email.  I am becoming a HUGE advocate of the power of journaling as a Spiritual practice.  The process to write through this has helped me on so many levels.  This email was sent this morning to the Private Equity investor who had stepped back from the deal:
I have come to realize that it is essential to be clear about what we want. In speaking with you over the past few years I’ve come to know a generous soul, someone who has been very successful professionally and monetarily. Yet in those same years you’ve never sounded fully satisfied. I will never forget the time you referred to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You’ve spoken of self-actualization in the mechanical sense of not needing to be concerned about biological, and safety needs, of achievements and reputation fuelling esteem needs. Yet, I am called to comment upon what Maslow referred to as belongingness and love needs. It sounds as though you are perhaps exploring how fully met these needs have been in your life. The passing of a friend can do that, as can the feeling that perhaps a family has grown and you have not fully been present in all experiences in your life. I believe that true abundance does not really come in currency or coin, but in spirit and sense of love in one’s life.

I am perhaps taking a bold step in being so frank with you, but as your friend and given the turn of events I am going to assume an entitlement to speak the truth as I see it. You appear to be coming to a place of clarity around your own vision and needs. I see someone that is recognizing (directly or indirectly) that to be truly transformed through self-actualization one must meet all the layers of Maslow’s hierarchy. You are honouring those needs and who you are; you are making choices to fully explore all your needs. I celebrate this.
Certainly, the fact that this deal has fallen through is disappointing. I am convinced at the genius of it. And whilst I personally believe there is a medium where you could have a very limited role and yet remain personally committed, it is essential that you have this belief as well. But more importantly, I see the gift in this decision at this time for both you and I. The gift for me is that I am facing what would in the past have been an intense adverse experience with a calmness and peace. And more importantly I am thinking of you, and hoping that in some way my presence in your life has provided a catalyst to support your transformation (for you see my life’s vision is to inspire and support the transformation of others). I still believe you are destined, as I mentioned the other day, to be someone who helps others transform. But your capacity in this regard will be limited by the extent of your own self-actualization.

I hope that the above helps to extend the level to which I understand. I also hope that we shall remain, and become stronger, friends. In this perhaps has also been a chance to really get know each other. Come February 1st I would love to have an email or phone call inviting me to lunch. I shall always enjoy your friendship should you choose it, and I will take great satisfaction in knowing that you have honoured yourself in the most profound of ways.

Experience of Adversity

As I consider events over the past few days my mind is drawn to my feelings. Perhaps it might be accurate to say that I feel a mix of peace and calm, and yet I cannot help but ponder what appears, based on my experience of myself in the past, as a relatively lower intensity of emotions.

In the past I am certain my emotional reaction would have been more varied, and most definitely more intense. At a physical level I would have felt as though I had been punched in the stomach, and as if I was throwing up at the same time. I’m so familiar with this customary reaction that this sensory experience is noticeable by its absence.

At the mental level the conversation would have been much more intense (for one thing I am writing and meditating as you can read). Over the past five years I’ve taken many steps on the journey to be better at managing ‘how’ I think. And so as I contemplate this event and my mental reaction (and ensuring response) I cannot help but be struck by the evolution I’ve undergone. As I look back I can recall a gradual shift in the inner-conversation. The inner voice that is me can still find words of fear, but the I AM is becoming clearer – the part of me that knows sounds louder, as if the static of uncertainly has faded to silence and the broadcast has the speakers humming in rich and deep tones.

However, with regards to emotions I feel compelled to step back. I read something the other day that resonated with me. As with so many things we are here to learn it often takes personal experience to truly appreciate and incorporate what this expression we are needs. The conversation between the soul and the self (sometimes called ego) must be compelling interest to both sides. Experience of adversity becomes a proof to the self that provides credibility to the soul’s positioning. It is one thing to affirmatively pray for money and investment, but if we don’t know how to accept this experience or be willing for it our prayers will appear unanswered. But what if the point is not so linear – what if events are supposed to fail so that we can succeed?

Experience of adversity instils belief. Belief influences our feelings. And feelings are expressed as emotions. With experience our feelings can come to empower belief. As I write this I find myself as clear as I have ever been on my life’s vision, on the flow of the Divine in all life.

I believe the thing I want most in this world is to inspire and support the transformation of others. I have been refining this vision for five years now. Experience is providing me exactly what I need to live for this vision. My ability to inspire will be possible to the extent to which I am inspired. My ability to support others in their transformation will be as potent as my own transformation. And what could be more inspiring or have such potential to transform others than the Divine? By coming through such experiences with an ever increasing faith and belief in the Divine my steps toward my vision become more meaningful. Events that supposedly failed are now opportunities for the most meaningful success I can think of.

I do not know exactly ‘how’ this vision will unfold, but I am clear on the ‘what’. And that really is what matters. If we believe in our vision then in turn we will influence our feelings. And how these feelings express as emotions will shift in our favour, like a virtuous circle. Like a pebble hitting the water’s surface rings of belief will ripple through our thoughts, our reactions, and our emotions – we will change, and be able to change to the extent of our belief in our vision for ourselves. If you have a vision to inspire and support the transformation of others then I can think of no better advice than to begin with yourself. And the next time you experience a thought wrapped up in a feeling expressed as an emotion, ask yourself, “What do I believe that led to this emotion?”

On one thing I am positively certain – beliefs are the result of past experiences and can be changed. Beliefs are not my truth unless I allow them to be. In this moment the belief that the Divine is in every event, person, and place is a perfect place from which to begin creating my vision to inspire others, and support their transformation.  Ask not what people or events can do for you, but ask yourself what is your vision for yourself and how much do you truly believe it is already so.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Power of Disappointment

I pondered for a few moments how best to start this blog but I shall settle for clarity.  It turns out that the private equity investor who had been discussing working and investing with my company has pulled out.  This is after 4 months of discussions, meetings, and literally having 1 meeting to go.  His reason mainly focused around the challenges in his life.  He made it very clear that my potential was not the challenge; rather with the passing of a friend this week he had found himself questioning and prioritizing what is important to him.

I can definitely relate to this.  It is essential to be clear about what we want.  In speaking with him over the past few months I had come to know someone who had been very successful monetarily, but in the years I've known him he's appeared to be unsatisfied.  I am glad he has come to a place of clarity around his own vision and needs, and that he is honouring who he is.

I did sense this yesterday (and the day before) at an intuitive level when he cancelled the final meeting without an explanation, but at the time I felt compelled to see how it played out. As I think back to the last meeting I initially wondered internally if he was pulling back then.  Over the past 2 days I have had moments of 'fear'.  The inner-conversation would start with the worst case scenario (which did indeed manifest) but I would reply that whatever happened is God in action (which indeed is the case).

I am clear that there is Source in action here. I am also clear that my intuition is becoming clearer. This deal did not proceed because there is a greater truth ahead. Knowing this provides, in this moment, a calmness. 

The key element is to see the Divine in all. What would have been disappointment in the past, I think a very high level of disappointment, is currently a peace. As I pause to reflect on whether I am being fully honest I am reminded of the grief cycle. Am I numb, in denial? I do not think so. Will disappointment surge in the coming days? I shall be both watching and continuing my Spiritual practice; but as I dig within I cannot help but feel a sense of certainty.  I will confess that the idea of accelerating the growth of my company in this way was exciting.  I believe in what I do professionally and could savour the scenario where I had been approached by a private equity company in such a manner.  And I am not alone in this.  In December I supported the successful delivery of a proof of concept project with one of the largest car manufacturers in the world.  Such companies are not used to dealing with small boutique consulting shops. 

As it happens the past few days have been filled with a great spiritual connection. Much of my time has been spent in contemplation, meditation, and journaling (all good practices). It would seem that I am living the axiom that the Universe does not put in front of us that which we are not capable of overcoming. In considering this axiom against the light of this moment I can only conclude that this is an opportunity to show growth, and that I am exceeding this challenge. 

Anyone with an ounce of self-awareness can look at themselves in the mirror and appreciate where they have come from.  An older 'me' would have been crushed by this.  It would have reinforced hidden beliefs and challenged my self-esteem.  Instead, here I am praising the man for his clarity and focus, and responding to my own conversation through a blog with ease and grace.  If there was ever a moment to know if I am a Practitioner it is now.  To see a prized 'dream' go up (apparently) in smoke would have made the older 'me' very sad, angry, and disappointed.  But at this moment I celebrate the fact that I am a better person.

I will take a day or two to contemplate how I will respond to my friend.  It must have cost him a great deal to write that email (some might wonder why he did not choose to tell me this face to face, or phone me.  To them I would say that this must reflect how he must feel right about now).   But I claim the gift of seeing the flow of God in this.  It is through such experience that we learn who we are, and grow stronger.  As someone who has committed myself to the path of a Practitioner I can only conclude that this is simply one more step in moving me to a place where I can most effectively transform others.  The obvious stated treatment of getting this investment in place may not have manifested, but a greater consciousness on my part has - And that my friends is a powerful transformation.  Seeing God in what should have been one of the most significant disappointments in my life is powerful stuff. Having the clarity to bear this in a public blog is a testament to my self-esteem.  And contemplating how I can support this brave soul is walking a walk I can stand behind.  As a Practitioner we are called to see the God in all we meet.  I have exceeded this challenge and more importantly can appreciate that just because it didn't work out how we expected does not mean that we didn't manifest exactly the way we were supposed to.

Blessings, joy, and peace my friends.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

If You Have Ever...

Some days are magical.  Today I had the joy of being able to read and study spiritual ideas and concepts all day.  I found myself very connected to Source.  At one point the flow was so evident that whilst studying a section in Practitioner studies on money I had not even finished the section when an email with work from a client came into my inbox.  Sometimes we really are ready for instant manifestation - my advice is to not start thinking of elephants while in this state of consciousness though!  It's not so much trying to ignore the elephant in the room that really concerns me, than it is managing to breathe with the smell should it happen to poop!

At any rate I finished a poem I had been working on for a couple of days.  I cannot point to a specific part of my life or event that this poem relates to.  Rather, it is a statement of where I have been, where I am, and where I am going.  Within it is a Truth that resonates for me.  I hope it does for you too.

If You Have Ever

If you have ever seen beauty
you may rest assured my friend,
that behind perceived projection,
is a beginning, not an end.

If you have ever heard the wise,
let this Truth counsel your heart,
beneath the shoulders they stood upon,
is not an ending, but a start.

If you have ever felt sorrow,
know that source will never cease;
fuse compassion with your knowing;
let your heart bubble with peace.

If you have ever wondered why
you came to this living place,
you might marvel at how dust
can have conjured reason and faith.

If you ever have surpassed form
and let Divine nature unfold,
then truly you are beginning
to know a world beyond this world.

Copyright (c) 2010, Carmien Owen

Monday, January 11, 2010

Transformation

Transformation of others may be the only fantasy that when reached, remains.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Beyond the Light

This is love, to see beyond the light, to pierce the waves that fuel physical beams to reveal their reflected projection. When physics is naked all that is left is love.

When we let the smoke, the beams, the mirrors, fall in each moment we shall perhaps be ready to let go of the living. If we can see through closed eyes, spy the images for reflections, the sounds for something betrayed by the senses, we might realize that even the burning body is merely the hesitation before the first footstep is taken. Even the feeling of being alive is a betrayal. Every nerve in my body and the mystic light notwithstanding, I cannot for a moment pay any serious credence to what I sense.

When we can spot the phantom allures and attractions, and when we see past the self, then perhaps we are ready to return. What tribute it must be, to have found ourselves sitting at such a double-edged table, so captivated by the senses, connections, emotions. What tribute it must be to want to return to the One.

Yet is return for the sake of returning enough? Is it any true wonder to be drawn like a moth to a burning bush in the hope that we might, like a puff of smoke, be drawn back into the fire of Truth? Is it any noble carriage to cast aside material commitments and connections as distractions? Or is there something deeper, something so complex that only an Infinite consciousness might be able to fully conceive its extent?

By being self-actualized we might find our home very beautiful. We may love to visit with ourselves. We might even find a place in the garden for the ego; close enough to admire, yet prized enough to allow it a sense of assurance, safety, and survival.  Yet even the ego was created with purpose. Could Infinity have it any other way? Even if only to realize that we are indeed sitting at the beautiful table its creation must be admired. Otherwise, there would be no seats, no guests, only one diner. Even Captain Obvious would perceive that the Truth of such an arrangement would be poor fare, not worthy of Infinity.

Perhaps the greater step is to close the gate behind us, fleetingly and repeatedly, to go forth to help others find their homes. Transformation through unattached support and love is a motive that must shine brighter than the personal joy of self-actualization. This must be the only fantasy that when reached, remains.

From the heart I now know. I step into the lover’s circle and seek to see beyond the light. Even light is sensed. What I must do is to know the senses for what they are, and at the same time consciously see the heart beyond the senses, feel its beat in the light.

I do understand for this fleeting moment. This house of water, earth, and fire is filled with smoky air. The fire that twinkles in my eye must be one of purest intent. My task is to stretch this fleeting moment as I behold both the senses and the heart. My vision is transformation. My first invisible step is integrity.

Copyright (c) 2010, Carmien Owen

Monday, January 4, 2010

Building Discontent

After a big break (the holidays can do that) and some intense time with family I picked up my journal again.  One of the discomforts of spiritual practice is that once you've tasted the benefits of it it is hard to ignore it for too long.

Perhaps I'm going through this divine discomfort so that the urgency for change within me can build?

Building Discontent

What is this excitement;
my fear without the breath?
Hardly building change within,
when the urgency has left.

Shifted through dependance,
past direction via a chart.
From high concepts in my mind,
to the wisdom through my heart.

Each step a greater freedom,
fulfilling joy through each peak.
Beyond penultimate freedom,
to the essence that I seek.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen