Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Vipassana Meditation and Effortlessness

Last Friday I applied to go on the Vipassana Meditation course in BC with the Vipassana Foundation from January 19th-30th (http://www.dhamma.org/).  This morning I received a response indicating that they are processing my application.  Assuming that it is meant to be I shall be on retreat for the second half of January, 2011.

I am looking forward to this meditation course with a deep sense of knowing, allowing, love, peace, and joy.  From what I have heard and read this will be a profound experience and opportunity to deepen my understanding of meditation, and to immerse myself in the deepest form of observation.  The idea of meditating for 10 days in silence, without making eye contact, and not moving for hours at a time are physical elements that I know I am ready for.  And from an even deeper perspective I know that this is a very powerful opportunity for me.  I will confess that there was a part of me that upon reviewing the requirements and expectations did pause.  But the sense of knowing around this was so deep that I brushed this thought aside within seconds.

Over the past 9 months I have been leading a meditation every night in Second Life. In addition, I have had the chance to support the teaching of a meditation course at the Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton. I know that this course is coming at the perfect time. Conditions in my life have made way for this opening in an effortless fashion thus far.  And as someone who leads meditation every day the idea of deepening my knowledge around the spiritual practice of meditation with others who have dedicated their lives to this service strikes me as Divinely right.

I have been impressed with the Visassana Foundation's website.  The whole process so far has been effortless, and I think it is a powerful statement that the organizers would offer such a course on a donation basis.  But 'effortless' is a word that seems to keep cropping up in my consciousness of late.

Taking a step back I am reminded of an axiom I live by; often, when things are meant to be, and we are truly ready, events and conditions will unfold effortlessly and with grace.  This is not to say that everything will unfold effortlessly all of the time, but the past couple of days have reminded me of this once again.  In Second Life we have been meditating at the same location since the group's inception.  However, upon logging in on Sunday night I was struck by the desire to change locations for the meditation circle.  And heeding this inner pull I sent out a message to a friend who is involved with a group that owns and maintains a number of sims (a sim is a virtual space in Second Life, often in the form of an island).  I asked if I could move the meditation circle to one of their sims.  The answer was an immediate yes, and upon arriving last night I was struck by the beautiful words and presence of my our new hosts.  When something is so effortless one cannot help but stand back and simply allow.  How beautiful is that!

Know the Flow as you go, brothers and sisters in light.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Being and Repression

I was speaking with a friend yesterday over tea and he mentioned an observation he had had during a retreat he had been on.  He spoke about the idea of repression, and that he believed that in many cases those walking the spiritual path had listened to the guru or the teacher, who had said 'do not be angry or sad' and had decided to repress this.  In time, this might lead to depression or some form of imbalance.

As I contemplate this I think that the guru's words are right but the manner in which the words have been interpreted is off.  At least, this contemplation is a work in progress and what I understand in this moment.  It occurs to me that "do not be angry" must be examined.  If your spiritual teacher said that to you what would you do?

Perhaps you might hear it and figure, I must not be angry.  You might respond by thinking that you should never get angry, that you should not lose your temper.  This might sound like a good idea.  But it is not liberating.  As the Buddha advised we must neither cling nor deny.  We must take the middle path.  Extending this idea to this topic that would mean that setting an intent to never get angry is a denial.  You would in effect be pushing anger away.

And this would apply to fear.  This would apply to a physical reaction where the body reacts by producing adrenelin.  This in turn might cause physical shaking.  Would it be of value to berate yourself for feeling fear or anger, or for the fact that your body produced chemicals to heighten your awareness? 

I think what the key word is BE.  Do not BE angry.  Do you not lose yourself to it.  Observe the anger.  Say, 'oh look at that, I am angry.'  Ideally you would be an obsever of the and sit with the emotion until it had left of its own accord.  You would observe the body, its reactions, sensations, as well as your emotions, feelings, and other responses in your mind.  As a wise man once said, it is well to acknowledge the anger and to not collapse into it. 

Being on the spiritual journey is key.  Repression is a lost opportunity to observe.  Practicing being with your emotional reactions and feelings is an opportunity to come to know yourself better.  I shall share a final story.  Tonight I was stopped by the police whilst driving.  The reason, when I turned at a turning light I shifted into the right lane instead of the left most lane.  He didn't give me a ticket, but merely said that everyone does it and they want to educate people.  As I contemplate this event a few things occur.  For one thing I remember a while before turning on another turn during an orange turning light.  I think they spotted me then and wanted to pull me over.  I think that he was looking for a reason and all he had was that flimsy excuse.  I recall feeling adrenalin and my hands shaking as I pulled my license out.  I was less aware in that moment.  As I look back a part of me knows that I am still barely a beginner on this journey.  I am working on waking up.  But one thing is for sure, if I was posting about disappointed I am in myself and that I should focus on not having shaking hands in the future, or experiencing adrenelin working through my system I would be missing something.  I might miss that at some level this experience was God in action.  The insight of the orange light tells me that had I slowed down the cop would not have noticed me and then followed me for 10 minutes until he found his flimsy excuse.  As I look back I knew he was going to pull me over and was waiting.  I even chose the gas station to pull over at to offer him the option to continue on.  But in that turn I broke a rule and he had what he needed.

And do you notice the irony?  In subtle and small ways I was asleep.  I was focused on him, not clearing my mind.  I was focused on what he would do, how I should drive.  When stopped, I was focused on my shaking hands.  I didn't have fear, but as I look back I know I am only just beginning the process of waking up.  I celebrate this experience.  And as I contemplated this later I was inspired by thoughts that led to this blog.  But thankfully, at no point have I denied what I should be, or doing.  I recognize that I simply need to be the observer.  Repression is not being.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Meditation Stories

I've been meaning to write this blog for nearly a week now.  But with how things have been moving it's simply not happened.  The story I really wanted to share concerned sitting in an airport lounge waiting to board the plane.  I happened to be meditating as I often do when things are quiet when my 3 and a half year old daughter obviously felt the need to engage with daddy.  Noticing that my eyes were closed she said, "Daddy, stop meditating!"  Of course, I immediately stopped and enjoyed some time with her before we eventually got onto the plane.

But really stood out for me, above and beyond how adorable that experience was, was that my three year old daughter not only knows the word meditation but can recognize it.  I was certainly never exposed to such ideas as a child and I get the feeling that as the population that's beginning to awake starts to expand that more and more children are going to grow up with such examples.  And in turn this just gets me to thinking about the unfolding consciousness that is ever expanding.  When people try and tell me that things are getting worse I simply cannot agree with them.  I believe this is a very exciting time to be alive.  I also look forward to the younger generations coming into their own.

On the topic of meditation I did have an amazing experience to also share.  The Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton, had a Board retreat yesterday.  My being involved stems back to the Circle of Love.  At the retreat I'd happened to mention to Patrick Cameron that I was applying to be a volunteer instructor with the Board Development Program in Alberta (and I have an interview this Wednesday).  This is an excellent opportunity to serve non-profit boards in delivering best practices in governance.  When he heard this he asked me if I'd like to observe the upcoming Board retreat.  I agreed, but on the condition that I could simply observe and hold the space as a Practitioner.

Well, that day was yesterday.  I arrived at 9am, pulled up a chair at the back of the room, and then spent the day in meditation and prayer.  I cannot stress how beautiful the experience was.  Ironically, a couple of years ago I had served on the board as Vice President but had stepped back for a few reasons.  Firstly, I was beginning my Practitioner studies and wanted to focus.  I also felt that the board experience and how it was functioning was off for me.  In short, I don't believe I was ready for the role. 

Yesterday though I got to sit in silence.  In fact, even when questions came up about the past, that I could have answered, I remained silent.  I spent the day focusing on the Divine within everyone present expressing itself.  At many points during the day I was entranced by the expression and explosion of Spirit in the room, marvelling at the gifts and talents being revealed.  A few times my mind did wander, but in 5-10 seconds I found myself pulling myself back to empty mind.  I also felt my heart filled, as if as Rumi put it, I was looking through the eyes of the heart.

As I think on this 7 hour meditation experience I was truly gifted to have been in such service.  I can still feel the echo of yesterday and would enter into such service again in a heartbeat.  As I compare the experience of being on the board and being a Practitioner for the board the latter is undoubtedly the more profound experience.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Acceptance and BS

Last night's meditation was followed up with a great series of questions and discussion.  One of the words that kept coming up was the idea of acceptance.  And wouldn't you know it - when I am busy contemplating an idea something lands in my lap to stoke the flames of consideration and empower the refinement of the idea. 

The idea of acceptance is central to the idea of 'interfaith'.  As a concept acceptance might be regarded as difficult to some.  This might be because truly accepting the idea of interfaith, as the Dalai Lama would suggest, calls upon one to evaluate their relationship with one's own religion. But what is religion?  http://www.dictionary.com/ says that religion is:
"a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion."
So religion is about beliefs and practices then?  I found this course of enquiry interesting.  As someone who is preparing to enter into Ministerial studies I am clear about my beliefs in this moment and look to my spiritual practices as a key foundation of my life.  And yet as was pointed out by a participant last night even attachment to our beliefs has the potential to lead to suffering.  What if the Dalai Lama is indeed correct in saying that no one religion can meet all of humanity's needs?  Or more interestingly, what if the point of religion is to help us find and then embody our own spiritual yearning?  And what might I mean by this?

More and more each day I am reminded that the spiritual path is a truly individual one.  Spirituality for me is about becoming love in action.  And I am not talking about romantic love.  I am talking about deep spiritual love.  The kind of love that sits and has tea with other words like kindness.  The kind of love that inspires me to get up in the morning, do my yoga, and as my forehead is touched to the ground to say, "may I be allowed to serve this day." 

In my relatively short life I have also come to realize that my unique journey has brought me to where I am today.  I would have it no other way, nor do I practice regret.  I celebrate that I am continually evolving my ideas of understanding my Belief System (or BS for short).  All of the challenges I have encountered have deepened and stretched me.  I have never been given more than I can handle.  And as I look to my life I am filled with gratitude for who I am today.  I spend as many moments focusing on love and acceptance as I can.  Compassion and a sense of overflowing love for all that I see fills my days.  If I took any any experiences of the past would I be where I am now?  Would I benefit from Divine subtraction?  I cannot know.  Perhaps only the Infinite consciousness of the Divine can know that.

A belief I have then is that any effort to convince another of what they should, or should not, believe in is flawed.  No individual person, or organization has an infinite consciousness.  No one person, Minister, Rabbi, or Guru can know what is best for you. Only you can discover what your truth is to you. 

Another question that was asked centered around the idea of having the urge to convince others about the Belief System (or BS) that you have that has you so excited.  But to this I urge you seek silence before words.  So what if others are asleep?  What does it matter to you?  I once read that the urge to convince another about why your BS is so amazing is really a projection of your own insecurities about the beliefs you live and carry.  Certainly, I am here blogging about my beliefs, but I have no expectations of you regarding what I write.  In fact, I wholeheartedly invite you, as Don Miguel Ruiz would suggest, to not believe a word that I say.  Every night when I start the meditation circle with an affirmative prayer I encourage participants to accept what resonates as truth and let all other words pass them by.

Acceptance is tied very closely to compassion.  And it might be debated that the spirit of compassion forms the ethical heart of all religions.  I think that the starting point for those who follow a set of beliefs and practices, and prescribe to religion, is to respect the right of others to hold their own beliefs.  And in turn, I think a more refined level of awareness is to celebrate that others have come to where they are, and are striving to live the spirit of compassion in their lives.  As I prepare for Ministerial studies you can bet that this will be a core element of the platform upon which I stand.

I really would have it no other way.  I am seeing less bad in the world, mainly because there is less bad in me.  More and more each day I come to recognize the changable nature of this world we live in and the eternal nature of the Infinite Consciousness I like to call God.  What if all the stuff you've been labelling as bad is actually God expanding an awareness of itself?  What if the challenges, trials, and objectionable content of life that you label as bad is actually the fuel of an expanding awareness?  If anything, the clearer I become about my spirituality the more I celebrate that I had to make some really interesting choices while sleepwalking to be who I am today. 

Or put more simply, has anyone ever really managed to change your belief system because of something they said, or did to you?  I would suggest that if you looked back on your life that you might come to conclude, as I have, that the true shifts in my BS came because I came to a realization for myself.  Certainly, I may have heard an intellectual idea, or have been inspired by the feeling an event or person evoked.  But in the end, my choice to change who I am was always my choice.  And my choices have always been made upon the foundation of who I was at that point.  Why would I want to take that from you as you live your life?

No, I would have it no other way.  And if anything, should an individual, organization, religion, or event, trigger discomfort and the reaction to resist (not accept) within me, then I see that as an opportunity for contemplation.  What part of my BS is offending my Divine self?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Infinite Tide

I have spent a couple of days contemplating what the Circle of Love meant to me.  In truth words cannot capture what transpired.  Yet, I did write a poem.  Perhaps this will serve to convey a little of what I experienced and experience still.

Infinite Tide
I looked into the heart of love,
And You gazed back at me.
Like a seeker, drunken, devoted,
We were beyond that sparkling sea.

Amongst the lines of blue mountains,
Was the thirst that I had brought.
Often I would achingly know,
That it was You that I sought.

Yet You pour this Oneness through me,
Me, lover's goblet to be seized.
Overflowing awe and rhapsody,
Tumbling tears amidst Your breeze.

I see You, everywhere now,
Through heart cracked open wide.
You, my sea, those eyes,
Us, riding Infinite tide.

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Circle of Love (Part 1)

Today I returned from spiritual retreat at the Circle of Love Gathering 2010.  Words cannot describe such an event.  However, I feel inspired to throw words onto the screen just in case they manage to evoke a pale shadow of what was, and what is.

I am still trying to place the pieces in my mind.  The many beautiful servants of the Divine, the teachers, the structured program, the content, the sharing, the atmosphere, the beauty...but most of all, the love.  There was a spectrum of love and in the circle we entered there was indeed much of the deepest sharing through the heart.

As you might know I actively tweet as @KnowTheFlow.  I kept my iPhone with me and would tweet as something came up that needed to be captured.  This was a wonderful opportunity to broadcast nuggets and at this point provides a sweet way to share these moments.  Below are the Tweets I made during the retreat.  Each came to me through a mixture of inspiration and insight.  But above all, the more I opened to spiritual love the clearer my sight became.  As Rumi would say, these tweets were seen through the eyes of the heart:
  • As I surrendered, like a wave to the ocean and a leaf to the wind, I could feel my heartbeat beating me.
  • As I show up in silence and immerse myself in the moment I realize that the greatest service is to quietly be the Truth of who I am.
  • Love is this annihilating force that devours itself. You can be afraid or you can surrender knowing the source of that love.
  • What if we are not here to change the world? What if the world is here to change us?
  • Today is that day of realizing that presence, of making that presence real.
  • I bring my noble, great need to the Beloved, to the One that loves to satisfy that need.
  • If you want to know God fall in live with we.
  • I am content, nay delighted, to be the shade of the tree of love.
  • Spirit loves the self. It's only through the self that it can be expressed.
  • What has to die was never real anyway.
  • We are here to express and build our knowledge of spiritual love.
  • Entwined within acceptance and openness is that which created the need within us that desires to satisfy our yearning need.
  • Without disappointment how could we treasure ecstasy?
  • I don't engage in conflict. I stand in my power (of spiritual love)
  • We don't create the effects on our life, but we participate in the cause.
I am inspired to call out two tweets in particular though.  I have had a purpose statement that captures why I am alive.  It is central to my devotion to service.  I made a subtle change, replacing 'consciousness' to 'knowing love' at the end.  It now reads:
  • My purpose is to inspire and support the transformation of knowing Love.

Any progress to simplify an understanding always feels closer to the Divine.  And yet the next tweet also deserves a mention.  I had forgotten this affirmation but was reminded of it during a conversation.  I now speak this when I am in child's pose during my morning meditation.  There is something powerful in placing your forehead upon the floor in surrender and saying, "May I be allowed to be of service this day."

And now I must close this post with a promise to complete and present a poem that has begun to write itself.  I shall share this in part 2.