Acknowledgement

This past Monday I went through the final step of my journey toward becoming a Licensed Practitioner with the International Centres for Spiritual Living.  After some 6 years of study and in particular the past 2 years as a result of Practitioner training I am now a submission of paperwork away from this milestone.  In turn, next year I plan on entering into Ministerial studies.

And yet for as much as this milestone might have brought me delight I have spent the past week in contemplation.  I did not rush to blog about the success.  At first I was not clear on this.  I did post a tweet and an update to my Facebook account.  I was struck by two sides to this experience.  On one side many friends offered me lovely comments and congratulations.  I remarked upon this to my wife and she offered me deep wisdom.  She spoke that for as much as I might have spent many hours posting blogs and tweets, many of such words shared were more about an ideal than about me.  The news of my passing the oral panel was a real story about me.  This real side of me is something that others can relate to, and in turn respond to.  The flood of comments compared to any other tweet or blog was significant.  I do from time to time get a comment or an email about the inspiration that my words will sometimes provide.  But in truth as I consider the deep wisdom shared with me I realized that something was shifting within.

I am, I confess, evaluating the motive behind my blogs and tweets.  Back in January 2009 when I started this blog as a way of committing to Journalling on my Practitioner training I was telling myself that my entries were a form of spiritual practice.  However, nearly 2 years and close to 200 blog posts later I believe that an examination of motives is well overdue.  I realized that over time I had sometimes blogged because I felt that there would be expectation from others that I blogged.  And then as is often the case I found my period of reflection interrupted by a comment around acknowledgement.  The central idea is that if we seek to put ourselves out 'there' we must be mindful of whether we are actually seeking acknowledgement.  And if we are seeking acknowledgement from others there is this subtle sense of separation that comes from forgetting that the truest acknowledgement is not to be found from outside of ourselves.

I thought about this and came to a conclusion.  I do not believe I have shifted into blogging with this desire as the central driving force.  But I will confess that this experience has awakened in me a realization of the deep work I have to do.  I do not need to check the site statistics to see who visits this blog.  And yet I have been.  I do not need to be concerned if one or one thousand people come in a month, a week, or a day.  In fact, if we do things with the motive of inspiring consciousness it should be because we have the deepest faith that God is in all.  And the risk of seeking to write blogs with such eloquence will do little for me if through my words I create an artificial barrier to who I really am.

I have a longing and a deep yearning to live in awareness.  I think that in subtle ways I have become to distracted to this.  The road to Practitioner is an allure in this regard.  It is a path that focuses on training you to enter into service to others.  And yet for this, or the path of Ministry, all work must start with the self.  I realized that the deepest work I have yet to do is to find myself in such a state that I am inspired and transformed in the ways of knowing Love.  In such a state of awareness Practitioner consciousness and Minstry will effortlessly follow.

And so, for as much as I share this good news with you, I do want you to know that I am going through a form of transformation.  I may blog less frequently, or more. I may tweet less frequently, or more.  I will be deleting the site monitor after this blog and most certainly not checking on the number of followers on Twitter.  But whatever I do, I shall be connecting to a deep and abiding knowing that in the One Mind I have perfect acknowledgement.  Any other form of acknowledgement is a shadow that pales under this Light of Truth.  This is who and where I am, and is an expression of intimacy.  I am allowing you to see into me through these blogs.  And whatever you may see there know that I am focused on the deep work I must do.  If such sharing should inspire you, then I shall be humbled, but my need to be acknowledged by you will be silent. 

That is good work indeed.  Perhaps I am ready to be a Licensed Practitioner after all.  Know the Flow as you go, brothers and sisters in Light.