The Empty Box of Zen

So today was one of those days.  It seemed like everywhere I turned, little things were happening to delay me, to make sure that I really wanted peace.  I'd like to share what I think is the highlight.

After a busy day of little things going wrong (or not meeting my expectations) I went home knowing that I had a hospital visit to make.  The visit was at 6.30.  However, on the way home I received a call from a courier telling me that they've got a package for me.  Thinking through how things could be timed I figured I'd wait for my wife to get home, go pick up the package, and then head to the hospital. 

However, in between some emails I was trying send before I left not going through (computer problem) and the trip itself taking longer than I expected to get to the courier I arrived at around 6.25pm.  I guess a part of me was feeling a little uncofortable with being late.  Imagine my surprise when I get inside and after searching for the package they hand me an empty box!

Opening the unsealed box to find some bubblewrap I looked at the customer service rep and asked them why the driver couldn't have left the box outside my door.  With an ernest expression she asked me, "Did you have a notice on your door saying a signature is not required?"

"No," I answered.  "I wasn't expecting an empty box and the problem with such a sign is that the laptop I'm waiting to receive would be left unattended."

"Well, we can't leave any boxes because someone may get upset."

"Of someone stealing an empty box?"

"Well, that box may be valuable."

"But it's empty and unsealed?"  However, at that point I stopped myself and smiled.  Looking at her with that smile I closed the conversation, with the statement "I think this is silly, but thank you."

I left with my empty box.  Sharing this story at meditation tonight I was asked what I could have done that was different.  In thinking about it, I think a better approach would have been:

• To be aware that everything is perfect, and that I would arrive at the hospital exactly when I needed to (thus removing the self-perceived pressure of arriving to visit my friend when she was expecting me)
• To laugh upon opening the empty box, and with a humourous tone of voice and heart tell the customer rep how perfect it was to be slowed down while trying to visit a friend in hospital to pick up an empty box (thus bringing some humour to both our days)

Everything is an opportunity for awareness and transformation.  I am compassionate toward myself.  I recognize that in the past, after a day of continual delays and things going wrong that at some point I would have gotten frustrated.  I kept my centre today and I celebrate that.  But far from resting on my laurels, I gently remind myself that this is just a beginning.  There's always an opportunity to be more aware, to be a greater field of grace.  I am learning, one empty box at a time.

Personal Learnings in Relationship

It is amazing how learning can occur.  After yesterday's blog, Lessons of Relationship, I found myself including key ideas with the daily meditation circle I lead in Second Life.  As a part of the sharing I related a little about my mother and my experience of relationship.  One of the participants asked a most profound question.  "How do your words relate to your relationship with your mother?"

Oh yes, even those sharing meditation are in relationship with each other, and here was a participant reflecting to me and asking a powerful question to teach me.  As I answered I realized that the true learning for me was that relationships are indeed all about us.  My mother may have made transition over 5 years ago but here I was, looking within, at myself, and seeking to understand what I had brought to the relationship.  Her death in no way prevented me from bringing the relationship to a close and doing the work I needed to do.

When you gain that perspective suddenly ideas like, I wish I'd told them I loved them before they'd died take on a whole new feel.  If anything, someone dying is actually the perfect opportunity to look within and to complete your work of awareness around the relationship.  The other person is no longer in that expression and will not distract you with their own expectations on relationship.  You are freed to do the work in the most perfect of ways (assuming you can see past a broken heart; this may take time).

I then got to thinking about other recent contemplations.  I had recently exposed, and have been working through, a belief around abandonment.  At first my reflection had centred around the fact that my single mother had had to go to work behind the bar each night (or go out and drink), and would literally abandon me, the solitary seven year old, in our tiny flat to entertain myself.  As I write this I am reminded that it got to the point that around the time I was ten or so I would find myself actually avoiding my mother returning home (and this remained for many years).  I'd gotten so primed by fear of a drunken mother coming back from the pub (either working or drinking) that when I would hear her coming up the stairs I'd turn off the lights and the gas fire, and pretend I was alseep.  Is it any wonder then that I learned as a child that relationships were to be avoided; after all, if I would either be abandoned or abused through a stupor of alcohol why would being in relationship draw me?

However, upon reflection I realized that the lessons of abandonment didn't stop there.  My father had also abandoned me when I was 4.  He'd chosen heroin over me, and had allowed my mother to leave him, thereby abandoning me.  How many times had I lied to other children at school saying that he'd died of bone cancer.  As a young boy I remember hearing that bone cancer was one of the most painful ways to die; I projected that idea of a painful death on his part to mask the buried agony that was being ineptly handled by a scared child.

And with this latest realization I am now empowered to find fulfillment with my father.  He's not been in my life since a young age but that does not matter.  Both he and my mother have, amongst other things, provided me with the gift of awareness.  I am so very grateful to have awoken to my Sacred Self in this moment.  Thank you Roger; thank you Judie.  I love you both!

In my previous blog I commented that no relationship is an accident.  Everyone we have in relationship is there for a sacred exchange of growth.  My relationship with my father is about me; it is about me forgiving him completely, and knowing that he did the very best he could.  I know that when my mother came home each night and found me asleep that that part of her that was God knew that I was pretending to be asleep and she felt pain.  I hold a knowing of love for her right now, asking her to forgive that scared little boy, for he did not know what he was doing, nor was he equipped to deal with his fulfillment of that relationship in that time.  I know she was doing her best, and I am sorry that she had to suffer so that I could remember in this moment.  I know that God is with me, that I could not truly be abandoned, and that I am now healed of the hidden beliefs of being abandoned by my parents.  I claim love for myself, and for them both.  I thank them for the opportunities they have given me.  After all, they gave me the gift of abandonment so that I might in this moment come to savour the lessons of relationship so much more right here, right now.

Lessons of Relationship

Ram Dass once said that if you think you are enlightened you should spend a week with your family.  I smile every time I think of this.  For my experience with family has been like a tale of two cities.  The first city was with my mother.  By the age of 21 I had left England to follow love and adventure.  However, whilst I never really returned it took until my mother's transition for me to fully embrace the life I was meant to live.  Interestingly, I didn't discover the Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton, until the Sunday after I had buried my mother.

The tale of my mother will wait for another time, but the tale of the second city is with my wife and daughter.  I also get to witness and experience the dynamics of extended family.  For you see I was a single child to a single mother.  I had a sister by birth but due to a choice on my mother's part Chloe was given up for adoption.  I was the child who my mother kept.  I have had to learn a whole host of definitions of what family is.  And yet at this point in my life I am becoming clearer that those closest relationships I have are here to provide me with opportunities for awareness, to stretch me to fulfillment, and to honour a process of healing.

I had the honour to be asked by a friend to visit her in hospital today.  As I heard her story I realized that in her own way she was moving through lessons of awareness with her family.  And yet as we finished our time together I was inspired to tell her that when she was able to approach her family with acceptance and unconditional love then the lesson would be fully fulfilled.  I am not quite certain why I said what I said, but I am reminded that the lessons of relationship are often the most vibrant springboards for growth of awareness that I know. 

There is no such thing as an accidental relationship.  God is in every event, and every relationship is a series of events that has meaning for us.  Even a brief exchange with a stranger on the other end of a telephone conversation is an interaction with the potential for meaning.  Yet the first and most profound dangers of relationships is when we come to them expecting others in the exchange to fix us, or to think as we do.   Some (or many) of us believe that finding that 'someone special' will improve all aspects of our lives and bring us incredible joy.

I have a theory that when we greet others in relationships that there is a sacred exchange occurring.  The God in us greets the God in the other person.  Subconsciously we are integrated at the most profound level.  But when our own awareness is clouded by so much distraction and emphasis on illusion we find it harder to grasp the Truth.  The clouds take on more emphasis and before we know it the rain is calling the tunes.  The person we are when we began the relationship is the essence of what we will attract.  We tend to attract exactly those that we need to help us realize fulfillment, awareness and healing.  This may be obvious, but I believe that for the most part the sacred exchange that is occurring is much more subtle.  It can take great insight to work out why a relationship exists, and what those involved have agreed to on a Divine level.  However, a conscious awareness of the purpose is not the point.  The opportunity to transform and raise our awareness is.

Relationships can be the mirror that reflect what we need to complete ourselves, and most often in ways that alone we could not accomplish.  We are always moving toward healing those parts of us that are wounded.  Sometimes the road is rocky, and the pain that our relationships surface can be soul-wrenching.  When this occurs with a life partner a great deal of trust and depth is often required for the relationship to survive through to its natural conclusion (as opposed to leaving it before we should, if at all).  God will provide us with everything we need for our healing.  If we have attracted someone who pushes our buttons, then this 'wrong' person will likely be our greatest teacher.  And when it comes to family, those we did not consciously choose in this lifetime, we may find ourselves with parents, siblings, and extended family who can upset us in ways that no one else can.  Family adds an additional dimension in that it is generally harder to disconnect with such people and relationships.  In this fact alone family becomes a special teacher.

Relationships will bring us the deepest lessons that we need to learn, those that we could not learn alone.  And yet as is the case with another person we meet, we are not supposed to change others.  Our opinions on those we are in relationships with serve only as a distraction.  What if they are not supposed to change?  And if we could change them, would we not be dishonouring their journey, their quest for enlightment and growth?  Or to put it more simply, if we would not want our family to dictate who we must be, should we try to dictate to them how they must be in order to fit into our sense of what is right in the world?

The wonderful news is that if you find your buttons being pushed, that means there is a belief influencing that feeling and emotion you are now experiencing.  Belief is a product of experience and can be changed.  And when we gain the insight (either as presented to us by others we are in relationship with or our own) then we can often look to others in relationship to support us.  I cannot count the times my life partner has both called me out on an issue and then been there 110% supporting me.  She knows I love her, and she loves me; our natural condition, our inner desire, is to support and help the other with everything we have. 

Growth is never accomplished by telling another what they must do and how they must change, or making them better.  It is always about you.  And those you are in relationship are always reflecting what you need to see.  And yet all too often we can rid ourselves of the relationship before we have rid ourselves of the problem and the underlying cause within. 

The use of questions can be profound when understanding relationships and our role in them:

• Is how I give and receive love reminiscent of how love was modelled for me as a child?  Is punishment and reward the manner in which I show and accept love?
• If abuse exists in my relationships did I experience abuse as a child?  Have I work left to do on my inner child and the unhealed pain that remains?
• Did we witness our parents caring for each other joyfully and lovingly? 

Whether we are staying in a relationship out of hope for it changing, or because we believe it will work out on its own, we will eventually have to come to a realization; if the relationships you are experiencing are not in alignment with your vision for love and your worth then it is time to change them.  We must also let go of the specific expectations of what the future will look like, how our partner or family will be, and what they will do to change.  A dear friend of mind recently told me that they had realized that their definition of being "in love" was about complete dependance on the other.  Even our expectations of love itself can hold us back from the growth, healing and awareness that we need.

Relationships unfold exactly as they are meant to.  The more we can remember this and place our expectations of others in the relationship aside the more fulfilling our relationships will become.

Joyfully Reverent

You may have noticed that I posted a new picture on my blog (as well as my Twitter and Facebook profiles).  The latest picture was taken last week at a restaurant (Lit in Edmonton - AMAZING food by the way), where my wife and I were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.  Not only does the picture capture how much fun I was having but I think represents how I am feeling these days.  The term that comes to mind when I look at this picture, and when I think about my general state of mind is 'joyfully reverent'.

After this phrase came to mind I took a look at the definition for reverent; "feeling, exhibiting, or characterized by reverence; deeply respectful: a reverent greeting." The word reverent really does nail much of my state of mind.  I have a feeling, and I exhibit this feeling wherever I go, of a deep respect for life.  In each moment (or as often as I remember) I respectfully greet God in the most profound of ways.  And through all that is a sense of joy.  I am finding joy all around me, but I know that this is a reflection of the way I look at the world.

After these past 5 years of serious spiritual study I have a dual sense of how things are.  On one hand I feel like I am only just beginning.  On the other hand I feel like I have made great strides.  The past couple of days in particular have exemplified this sense of emotional well-being.  I celebrate that of late I have made a significant leap forward.  The types of situations that would have caused me to lose my centeredness to an emotional reaction are now receeding.  And yet, I know that this is just a beginning.  But why would I say that?

For one thing I know that spiritual practice and the development of mindfulness is a daily affair with God.  Each day is an appointment with life.  The contempary mystic cannot content themselves with getting a permit from the Bishop to go and hide in a cave somewhere.  In the modern day you get to go out into the world and LIVE.  The value of this is significant.  At the very least the challenges of life stretch you and teach you to hold compassion for others who are living life.  In short, when you set the vision of being a contempary mystic and you live mindfully you show up in an accessible way.

And yet, each day is a reminder in humility.  If I am to live my vision of inspiring and supporting the transformation of consciousness, each day will require my full and present attention on the Divine.  As I look to my actions I celebrate the journey that is just beginning for me.  These blogs are a step in this direction.  I also tweet as @KnowTheFlow, and these tweets are forwarded onto Facebook.  I am hearing wonderful feedback from people who say they really enjoy reading my messages.  But behind all this is a sense of being joyfully reverent. 

When I tweet as I do I am capturing where I am in the moment.  Not long after finding Twitter I discovered that it is a wonderful tool for practicing the Presence.  I find myself pausing at a mindful thought and turn to my iPhone to share it.  It has become a virtuous circle, where the idea of capturing and publishing such thoughts is reminding me to practice the Presence, and the more I practice the more I find myself with joyous thoughts to post.

And so when you read these blogs and my tweets know that I really am joyfully reverent.  The picture is another expression of this.  Know the Flow as you go.

Surprising Gifts

Sometimes it can be an interesting moment of courage to know that you need time for yourself.  This past weekend my wife and I were invited to a wedding on Friday night and a house concert on the Saturday night.  However, the Friday night was also my wedding anniversary.  On Thursday evening my wife and I decided that we needed some time to ourselves.  At the time it just felt as though I was drawn to peace.  We had a lovely time and took time for ourselves, to share time and space together.

My wife shared the following poem with me.  It turns out she'd been writing it for three days.  As I consider the past couple of days I celebrate that I honoured the needs of myself and my wife.  Yes, this was selfish, but then what is selfishness next to an unauthentic effort to attend a wedding.  If your heart is not in the giving, then what is the point of the gift? 

Between Space and Time

The rain fell that day
Tiny prisms of captured moments
Arms outstretched, you embraced
Your unguarded heart
And the fullness of your potential.

Moment by moment I've watched you
Unfolding, yielding to your truth
Replacing the bitter stains of disillusionment
As each new experience peeled away
The masque
And only your brilliance remained.

Today you stand
Where soul meets body
The point of intersection
Between space and time
Answering the challenge
To remember the Truth
In thought and word and deed
Walking through mirrored light
To stand in Source.


She told me that she had written this poem about me and for me.  After 11 years of marriage we have indeed travelled far and wide.  We have explored our oceans and our shores.  We have encountered storms, feel the mainsail stretched to its limit.  Yet the ship has come now upon a calm stretch of ocean.  The cries of a seagull can be heard floating overhead.  The waves lap upon the hull and as I look my sight is set upon my centre and my horizon.  Here is the partner I have chosen to spend my life with reflecting through this poem what she has perceived in me.  She was perhaps the first person in my life to believe in me.  I cannot speak for what might have happened had I not met her.  But here I am now speaking for what has happened.  And for all my blogs, poems, and tweets I believe she has done a better and more artistic job of capturing me than I could ever done.

Relationships can become partnerships.  The lessons of relationships are about awareness, fulfillment, and healing.  Somehow, and I am not certain as to that how, I attracted my wife into my life.  She has ever raised a mirror to me, reflecting the truth of who I am.  Her belief in who I am has allowed me to come to experience fulfillment.  And yes, all this and more has supported the healing I have done for myself.

Thank you, dearest partner.  This is a magnificent path we walk together.

Workshop Idea: "Awakening the Sacred Self"

On Sunday afternoon I was reading, meditating, and generally enjoying a chance to relax.  At some point an idea jumped into my head.  "What about a series of workshops designed to awaken the Sacred Self?"  I knew that it was an inspired idea because I was suddenly filled with a great sense of peace, joy, and energy.  I then proceeded to begin to sketch out an outline.  Tonight  I returned to this outline and after a couple of hours suddenly found myself having drawn 4 different books from my library, and had in short order written the content for the first evening of this workshop.

As I sit back and prepare for meditation I cannot help but smile at myself.  It would seem that this little innocent 'idea' is becoming a serious project.  I'm not certain quite how it will end up but I suspect that it's going to be a lot of fun to put together.  For one thing, I still have an outstanding assignment for my Practitioner Intern training to write up a workshop outline: I'll be checking THAT one off the to-do list soon enough! 

But perhaps more interestingly, this is playing on an internal conversation I've been having for a few months.  When I first started the daily meditation circles in Second Life (we meditate every evening at 9.30pm PST) I had wondered at bringing SOM cirriculum into that environment.  However, it was not long before I discovered that there would some challenges with that.  For one thing, the general practice is for Ministers to deliver such training (at least if it is to be accepted for credits for students).  In addition, the organization that owns that content is apparently preparing to expand this cirriculum online.  I'm a big fan of 'effortless' and once I realized that such an approach would actually be quite complex I released the idea to the Universe.

Then about two months ago I began to consciously sprinkle Science of Mind teachings in the form of 10 minute snippets before each meditation.  To help set the context you should know that each evening we open with an invocation to set sacred space, I share the context for the meditation for the evening along with spiritual truths that come to mind, we meditate for 20-30 minutes, and then I close with an affirmative prayer.  We then rest for a while and share in community.  Sometimes this is 30 minutes and sometimes we've stayed chatting for 2 hours.

As I look at what has started to unfold I'm excited by this.  For one thing, a selfish motive is behind this; I want to take this journey that is being revealed to me myself.  For another thing, it would be wonderful to share this journey with others in Second Life.  This workshop would take my online efforts to another level.  And of course, by authoring this body of work (but drawing on some well trodden spiritual pathways and ideas) I bypass any concerns about stepping on toes.  It really does strike me as a win-win.

I also realized that such a workshop would require a different approach.  I've yet to determine quite how this will look but I'm drawn to the idea of a weekly event, likely around 7.30pm PST on Sundays.  And unlike the meditations I shall be approaching the 150 or so members of the Second Life Community for Spiritual Living for a commitment.  The central idea being, that attendance is expected and some exchange of energy will be required.  The idea that comes to mind is that even if just 1-2 truly committed people show up, that will be 1 or 2 people who will be sharing this journey with me in consciousness. 

If you're someone who frequents Second Life and are intrigued by this idea please feel free to IM me, send me a Notecard, or leave a Comment with your SL name below.  I cannot make any promises, but if the fit feels right then I'd love to share this journey with you.

Know the Flow as you go,
Carmien

PS. Now, I've really gone and done it!  By blogging about this I HAVE to deliver on this project.  :)

PPS. And obviously, this workshop will be something that can be delivered in Real Life as well.

The Fifth Agreement

I recently finished reading a wonderful book and thought I'd review it for you.  I can wholeheartedly recommend The Fifth Agreement, by Don Miguel Ruiz, and Don Jose Ruiz.  As a book it offers a clear and accessible way of considering how to live your life. 

The First Agreement is: Be impeccable with your word.  In short, this means to be mindful of how you think, how you speak, how you communicate.  Are your thoughts and words in alignment with your highest self?  When you are impeccable with your word you do not gossip, or slander others.  Rather, your words and thoughts support an idea that everything is perfect.  You speak with integrity, and use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

The Second Agreement is: Don't take anything personally. Truth is that we are each living our own story.  You, me, and everyone else is experiencing the world through our own projected reality.  In turn, nothing that others do is because of you.  Anything that someone thinks about you is not a thought about YOU, but a thought about THEIR IMAGE OF YOU.  Once you realize this it suddenly becomes obvious that any opinion is only valid for the holder of the opinion.  It's not valid for you. 

The Third Agreement: Don't make assumptions.  Don't assume that you know what's going on for people as they are immersed in their projected reality.  If you believe someone is doing something and you do not feel good about it, then communicate with them.  But be clear that what you feel is a product of how YOU have interpreted your projection of reality.  And with meaningful communication we can avoid the sadness and drama that so often goes hand in hand with assumptions.

The Fourth Agreement: Always do your best.  Actually, this one really is, for me at least, about knowing that we are ALWAYS doing our best.  Our best may change from time to time, but we are always doing what we can in any given moment with what we have, believe, feel, and think.  Always know that you are doing your best.  When you can know and accept this you release self-judgement and regret.  This applies to others in your experience.  Always know that they are trying their best.

This is where the Four Agreements (obviously) left off.  For me the key is, when I am impeccable with my word, that not taking things personally, not making assumptions, and knowing that I'm always doing my best seem to make more sense.  It all starts with being impeccable with my word.  However, the first four are only a setup for what I believe may the most important agreement of all.

The Fifth Agreement: Be skeptical, but learn to listen.  Don't believe a word that anyone says, or that you say for that matter.  But learn to listen.  Learn to doubt.  Learn to listen for the intent behind the words.  Learn to listen to your higher self.  The power of doubt is the fuel of the seeker (or what the author calls the warrior).  The seeker will switch between knowing the five agreements, the Truth, and forgetting them.  Our spiritual practice requires that we doubt, and listen for the intent and Truth in everything.  We should ONLY accept that which resonates as truth and let everything else pass us by.

I have never done a book review on my blog before.  However, I feel this was worthwhile.  The Fifth Agreement really is a wonderful book.  Everything I read in it lines up with what I believe, but the author did a fantastic job of clearly articulating a process and mindset to follow.  And the bonus - the Four Agreements are included with the Fifth in this book.  If you haven't read The Four Agreements then do not worry; you get five for the price of one in this special deal.

Celebrating Manifestation

Perhaps my second favourite spiritual practice (the first being Meditation) is to celebrate.  As I was driving home tonight I was struck by the past two days and how much I have to celebrate.  What better place to celebrate than through my online journal (or blog - my third favourite spiritual practice)?

On Monday night I had the pleasure, as a Teaching Assistant to the Edmonton Centre for Spiritual Living Foundations class, to witness half the class complete their course and present their final projects.  The level of consciousness was amazing.  But perhaps the most touching moment for me was something that resulted from a seed planted on my part many months ago.

Back in October of 2009 I had the great honour of sponsoring Michael Bernard Beckwith, the spiritual leader of the Agape centre and inspiring spiritual liberator, coming to Edmonton.  I run a business and when I heard that the centre was looking for corporate sponsors I immediately grabbed the sponsorship package.  Within about a minute I was writing a significant cheque to be the headlining sponsor.  At the time I knew that this was not about marketing, or getting business.  I had heard Michael Beckwith from afar (on the movie The Secret and a couple of videos) and had resonated with his passion and his spirituality.  I knew that my sponsoring this event was really a form of giving to help bring Michael to us in Edmonton.

So imagine my surprise when two of the students that shared their project informed us that they had come to the centre after attending Michael's event!  My heart filled with love and in that moment as I considered the growth they'd shown over the past 16 weeks and what they were presenting that night that I had had a part, albeit tiny, in helping them to discover the philosophy I love so dearly.  In effect, I was witnessing a manifestation of exactly the intent I had set back in late 2009.

What is interesting is that last week I had been working through perceived challenges around abundance.  It seems that I have been wrestling additional hidden beliefs around worth and last week involved a lot of prayer and meditation on my part.  I did not blog about this challenge but I did share it with the Second Life meditation circle.  By Wednesday I had identified the belief, prayed for it and could feel the shift within my heart.  By this Monday a sign of my abundance became clear.  The money I have is God's money.  When I serve God with the money I earn through my business it WILL be magnified and returned in wondrous ways.  The testimony of those two students came at a most Divine time!

The message of this blog is perhaps centred around celebration.  Every day seems to present me an experience or an event that humbles me, that reminds me of how beautiful and perfect life is.  And each day it is for me to discern the perfection and to celebrate it.  And the more bitter the challenges and trials, the sweeter it will taste when you come through the other side.

Know the Flow as you go