With my departure on a 10 day meditation retreat I thought I would write a blog on why I meditate. When I began I had intended a single entry. By the time I was done I realized that I had significantly more words than would comfortably fit in a single entry. So with that in mind I’ve prepared a series of blog entries where I explore the question of why I meditate. And with technology empowering me to schedule posts when I am not even at a computer I shall leave you to read while I spend time in my metaphysical cave.
If you’ve done much reading (or listening to masters) about meditation you’ll have likely been confronted with something along the lines of, you don’t strive to become One, you let go and surrender. For many years I kept coming across this sort of statement. And it may strike you as obvious to read this, but I’m not talking about the white-flag kind of surrender either.
At first I wanted to understand what that meant. What do you mean, let go? Let go of what? Surrender to what? Surrender to the moment? What’s the ‘moment’? And then one day, during a meditation I began to discover what all those questions were pointing toward.
It turned out that for many meditations until that point I had been improvising. I had taken an intellectual idea, assumed it as my truth, and had gone along with it. I hadn’t fully experienced surrender and only had an intellectual grasp of what it meant to let go of something I couldn’t physically touch.
In that moment I directly experienced what it was to let go. I found myself experiencing Oneness and in an instant I knew that one didn’t try to surrender – when I was confronted with Oneness I couldn’t help myself. It was as if that part of me that was Truth, individualized aspect of Spirit, was completely revealed. But this had only been made possible because I had been improvising in spiritual practice. And somehow those parts of me that had been getting in the way, like clouds in front of the sun, suddenly parted and the magnificence of it all shone through. In the face of those rays of Truth I was home.
Once you’ve glimpsed such Truth suddenly life takes on a new meaning. I wanted to play. I wanted to enjoy. I found myself in situations where people would laugh at what I would say. Suddenly, I was funny (just ask my wife – she’ll you how un-funny I used to be). The urge to be so serious about life suddenly dissolved, years of earnestness now a fading memory. Having glimpsed the Truth, the creative nature of it All had become so apparent. Spontaneity became a habit, release a pleasure – faith had been transcended by knowing and I was becoming. From that moment on I realized that I was seeing through apparent reality and surrendering to the Eternal Reality.
And once I had experienced this for myself, the yearning that had been so subtle for so many years shifted. It was grosser, more obvious. Priorities changed. Suddenly I didn’t need to ‘convince’ others with my intellectual passion and my philosophy. I stopped drinking. I became vegetarian and then vegan. It was not that I was trying to do these things, rather that old habits no longer did me. Drinking wine would not feel good and the sensations of getting drunk were far less interesting that those evoked through being fully and completely present. Meat in my stomach would feel heavy and I felt a lightness through a new approach to food that felt great. I discovered cooking. It turns out that I love to cook!
In that moment, recognizing the combined effects of meditation to this point, I knew that I was both nothing and yet everything. I had leapt into the Great Oneness and knew that logic and reasoning were insignificant. The dissolution of old habits that no longer served me began to accelerate. My whole outlook and participation in life had begun to irrevocably shift.
Through practices we purify and pacify the objective mind. We gain control of the objective mind. There was a time when I believed that the monkey mind was a derogatory term, suggesting a mischievous critter jumping through the trees, like the objective mind moves from thought to thought. With practice the objective mind becomes a tool. Like mental scientist I had discovered an instrument at my disposal. Suddenly I was beginning to realize that I could be a metaphysical surgeon, cutting away at the dis-eases of life. With practice my objective mind was starting to become more like a finely tuned instrument for life. I was struck by the effortlessness in making decisions, in somehow knowing what to do without knowing why. Indeed, the process of shifting from faith to knowing and then becoming is truly a marvel.
The objective mind offers so much potential. It is in its nature to move around. And why not – as a facilitator between the apparent reality (which is always in movement) and the Subjective Mind we need its ability to move so freely and translate this experience of space and time. Renouncing the nature of our objective mind is to set aside a part of us that we created through will, and thus to denounce something that was in actuality an expression of the One Mind.
Suddenly, the secret was laid bare. And once you have glimpsed this secret you will never be able to fully let the realization go. The secret is actually profoundly simple. It is laid bare by the wisdom to neither deny nor be tempted to forget the True Self. And the only explanation I have for this knowing and profound transformation is my practice of meditation.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Why Do I Medtiate? (Part II)
With my departure on a 10 day meditation retreat I thought I would write a blog on why I meditate. When I began I had intended a single entry. By the time I was done I realized that I had significantly more words than would comfortably fit in a single entry. So with that in mind I’ve prepared a series of blog entries where I explore the question of why I meditate. And with technology empowering me to schedule posts when I am not even at a computer I shall leave you to read while I spend time in my metaphysical cave.
The more I have meditated the more often I have experienced mystical moments. Trying to describe the indescribable is futile. But the closest I’ve come to articulating words for this Infinite subject is to say that such moments are sublime. There’s an expansiveness and weightlessness that transcends words. Sometimes it feels like a faded awareness of where my body ends and the air around me starts. It is as if I am expanding, and yet this expansiveness of I am is actually a re-joining. My soul’s choice to wear this garment I call a body is suddenly exposed, and with a mental and emotional gasp I sit in wonder at how beautifully peaceful, still and loving the eternal moment is. Time stops, ideas and thoughts evaporate.
And yet with experience of such moments I have come to realize that this is not the goal. Such blissful moments of expansiveness, whilst entrancing, are merely something to be enjoyed along the way, just like the apparent reality. However, the key with both is to en-joy without losing the sense of the truth; to be in the world without being seduced by it.
A question that has emerged through practice is; “Well this is nice. I wonder what will happen next.”
This question is an important one. When we do not lose ourselves to mystical, blissful moments we can continue a rich journey of discovery and development. And the journey is about experience and choice. By acknowledging the pleasure of the moment whilst reminding myself that there is yet more to seek I am not ceasing my development. If anything I am cultivating a grounded-ness that will serve me well as I continue. For I am convinced that the moment we start thinking we’ve made it is the very same moment we have succumbed to the ego’s desire. The ego wants the experience to be unchanging. And it would like nothing better, after all these years of having its duties as a prison guard being eroded, to return to as the gaoler, only in this case I would be the one handing it the keys.
The part of us that is soul, individualized incarnation of Oneness, will truly only be satisfied by a full and complete return to the One. This yearning is what drives us, and has driven so many masters and seekers to aspire and explore as the enlightened mystic. Yet, my experience, and the spiritual texts of note that I have read, has made it clear that it is only through practice that I will find my way.
I am not one of those avatars that came to earth and decided that I would be enlightened through an instant of awakening. I, like so many others, have chosen to delve deeply into the journey of discovery and will awaken gradually, sequentially and inevitably.
So far my journey of spiritual practice has taught me that the intellect alone is a poor judge at how best to spend time. My philosophical wanderings, debates, and intellectual reasoning have never brought me to dwell upon what my True Self actually is. Certainly, I’ve spun a fine series of words at times. But experience has taught me that entering into practice has done more to reveal that yearning for Self Realization than any number of steps along the path of the intellect.
I will confess that I aspire to be awakened. I wish to be in this world but not of it. My desire is to show up in every moment, armed with unconditionally loving thoughts, words and deeds.
The irony as I write this is that I know that there was a time when I thought I understood what such an aspiration meant. And in this moment I understand more than I did, and will in the future know more than I do now. What I do know in this moment is that I am yet to reveal what this fully means. But without a shadow of a doubt I know that my aspiration to be an enlightened mystic will only be realized through practice.
Over the course of my life I have made many choices and reacted to many sensations. As a child in a dysfunctional home it was not 5 years before social services placed me under a care order. In my earliest years of a being exposed to heroin (my birth father was an addict), alcohol and violence I got to experience impressions of apparent reality that were beyond my ability to process. I know what it is to be a vulnerable child. I know that the first 10 years of my life were filled with much blood, shouting, angst and abuse. And yet, regardless of how innocent and helpless I was, I reacted in those moments and in turn agreed to the expressed beliefs around me that this world worked a certain way. Over the course of the next 15 years I played these beliefs out, carved more grooves in my reservoir of memories, and so enforced the earlier memories. In short, I spent the first 25 years of my life completely lost to this world and my mind. It had me, and I was heart-brokenly seduced by it.
Spiritual practice has been necessary to counter my early years. The fears and desires of so many years needed a rebuttal. Meditation has been central to this righting of the scales. And now after many years of slowly working my way toward balance I have become very clear upon a simple truth revealed through my direct experience – meditation as a practice is serving the purpose of smoothing away the old grooves of separation and polishing in grooves of love. When my spiritual practices have served their purpose, when I have been liberated and freed from every last vestige of the pain, fear and separation I so often felt they will no longer be needed.
Before I became intimately partnered with meditation as a practice I was occupied with whatever sensations surfaced. My objective mind would analyze what arose from the depths, and like a slave I would stumble through life not even feeling the chafing of the shackles. I would wallow in emotion, lose myself to anger and act out the stories that had been passionately played for me as a child. I would see boredom as a cue to find something to do, to keep me busy. I would act upon impulses of lack, inherited from a childhood of poverty, and buy toys to support my need to be kept busy.
Meditation is a practice that cleanses the mind. I have glimpsed moments beyond description that have validated that yearning I felt so long ago. My mind feels purity more than it feels deprivation these days. When I feel a sensation of boredom I meditate or read a spiritual book. When I get done with meditation I pray. My meditation practice has inspired me to aspire for more.
The more I have meditated the more often I have experienced mystical moments. Trying to describe the indescribable is futile. But the closest I’ve come to articulating words for this Infinite subject is to say that such moments are sublime. There’s an expansiveness and weightlessness that transcends words. Sometimes it feels like a faded awareness of where my body ends and the air around me starts. It is as if I am expanding, and yet this expansiveness of I am is actually a re-joining. My soul’s choice to wear this garment I call a body is suddenly exposed, and with a mental and emotional gasp I sit in wonder at how beautifully peaceful, still and loving the eternal moment is. Time stops, ideas and thoughts evaporate.
And yet with experience of such moments I have come to realize that this is not the goal. Such blissful moments of expansiveness, whilst entrancing, are merely something to be enjoyed along the way, just like the apparent reality. However, the key with both is to en-joy without losing the sense of the truth; to be in the world without being seduced by it.
A question that has emerged through practice is; “Well this is nice. I wonder what will happen next.”
This question is an important one. When we do not lose ourselves to mystical, blissful moments we can continue a rich journey of discovery and development. And the journey is about experience and choice. By acknowledging the pleasure of the moment whilst reminding myself that there is yet more to seek I am not ceasing my development. If anything I am cultivating a grounded-ness that will serve me well as I continue. For I am convinced that the moment we start thinking we’ve made it is the very same moment we have succumbed to the ego’s desire. The ego wants the experience to be unchanging. And it would like nothing better, after all these years of having its duties as a prison guard being eroded, to return to as the gaoler, only in this case I would be the one handing it the keys.
The part of us that is soul, individualized incarnation of Oneness, will truly only be satisfied by a full and complete return to the One. This yearning is what drives us, and has driven so many masters and seekers to aspire and explore as the enlightened mystic. Yet, my experience, and the spiritual texts of note that I have read, has made it clear that it is only through practice that I will find my way.
I am not one of those avatars that came to earth and decided that I would be enlightened through an instant of awakening. I, like so many others, have chosen to delve deeply into the journey of discovery and will awaken gradually, sequentially and inevitably.
So far my journey of spiritual practice has taught me that the intellect alone is a poor judge at how best to spend time. My philosophical wanderings, debates, and intellectual reasoning have never brought me to dwell upon what my True Self actually is. Certainly, I’ve spun a fine series of words at times. But experience has taught me that entering into practice has done more to reveal that yearning for Self Realization than any number of steps along the path of the intellect.
I will confess that I aspire to be awakened. I wish to be in this world but not of it. My desire is to show up in every moment, armed with unconditionally loving thoughts, words and deeds.
The irony as I write this is that I know that there was a time when I thought I understood what such an aspiration meant. And in this moment I understand more than I did, and will in the future know more than I do now. What I do know in this moment is that I am yet to reveal what this fully means. But without a shadow of a doubt I know that my aspiration to be an enlightened mystic will only be realized through practice.
Over the course of my life I have made many choices and reacted to many sensations. As a child in a dysfunctional home it was not 5 years before social services placed me under a care order. In my earliest years of a being exposed to heroin (my birth father was an addict), alcohol and violence I got to experience impressions of apparent reality that were beyond my ability to process. I know what it is to be a vulnerable child. I know that the first 10 years of my life were filled with much blood, shouting, angst and abuse. And yet, regardless of how innocent and helpless I was, I reacted in those moments and in turn agreed to the expressed beliefs around me that this world worked a certain way. Over the course of the next 15 years I played these beliefs out, carved more grooves in my reservoir of memories, and so enforced the earlier memories. In short, I spent the first 25 years of my life completely lost to this world and my mind. It had me, and I was heart-brokenly seduced by it.
Spiritual practice has been necessary to counter my early years. The fears and desires of so many years needed a rebuttal. Meditation has been central to this righting of the scales. And now after many years of slowly working my way toward balance I have become very clear upon a simple truth revealed through my direct experience – meditation as a practice is serving the purpose of smoothing away the old grooves of separation and polishing in grooves of love. When my spiritual practices have served their purpose, when I have been liberated and freed from every last vestige of the pain, fear and separation I so often felt they will no longer be needed.
Before I became intimately partnered with meditation as a practice I was occupied with whatever sensations surfaced. My objective mind would analyze what arose from the depths, and like a slave I would stumble through life not even feeling the chafing of the shackles. I would wallow in emotion, lose myself to anger and act out the stories that had been passionately played for me as a child. I would see boredom as a cue to find something to do, to keep me busy. I would act upon impulses of lack, inherited from a childhood of poverty, and buy toys to support my need to be kept busy.
Meditation is a practice that cleanses the mind. I have glimpsed moments beyond description that have validated that yearning I felt so long ago. My mind feels purity more than it feels deprivation these days. When I feel a sensation of boredom I meditate or read a spiritual book. When I get done with meditation I pray. My meditation practice has inspired me to aspire for more.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Why Do I Meditate? (Part I)
With my departure on a 10 day meditation retreat I thought I would write a blog on why I meditate. When I began I had intended a single entry. By the time I was done I realized that I had significantly more words than would comfortably fit in a single entry. So with that in mind I’ve prepared a series of blog entries where I explore the question of why I meditate. And with technology empowering me to schedule posts when I am not even at a computer I invite you to read while I spend time in my metaphysical cave.
As I continue on my spiritual journey I'm becoming clearer about some essential realizations. The first and foremost is that the practice of meditation is the most important component of what I aspire to.
Meditation has empowered me to re-train and re-culture my mind. It has been central in my quest to uncover more about myself, which in turn has helped me to clarify my aspirations. The perseverance and determination to thrive with the practice of meditation has been a platform from which I have been able to consciously redesign my circumstances.
Those of you familiar with the spiritual practice of Affirmative Prayer (also known as Spiritual Mind Treatment) may point to that practice as a tool for conscious creation. And as someone who has spent years learning about crafting prayers I would have to agree with you. However, through meditation I have established a profound clarity, expansiveness and a direct sense of love. Combining meditation and prayer is like adding jet fuel to a moped. When I pray following meditation it always has a feel that cannot be compared to prayer alone.
Central to the Buddha's teaching on meditation was the idea that we should strive for mastery of the mind. I have rephrased this as ‘mastery of the objective mind’. The more I've delved into this practice the more I've come to realize that mastery of the objective mind is actually a skill. The more I practice using this skill the better I become at it. Over time I've gotten better at being the one that directs my objective mind, not the other way around (which used to so often be the case).
The objective mind (the analyst, critic, linear planner, and judge) is a tool and a facilitator. That part of me that is subjective mind (true self, soul, etc.) created the objective mind with will. Every time I use operate through my objective mind without awareness of the true self I blindly imprint memories, mental conditions, values and agreements beneath the surface of my consciousness.
The Buddha talked about the carving of grooves, or in the Pali language Saṅkhāra, beneath the surface of our conscious awareness. I explain it thus:
The great gift of meditation to me has been a way for me to re-train my objective mind. I've spent many hours refining such skills as focus, concentration and harmonious awareness. And the deeper I've travelled along this path the more indescribably beautiful the journey with this practice has become. Old grooves have been smoothed away (a process for which I will explain more about at a later entry in this series) and I have found an increase in my ability to concentrate. A direct effect of meditation for me has shown up in my being able to maintain a harmonious and loving awareness so much more than I used to be able to. Meditation has yielded great mental discipline for me. And because it has changed my thinking it has literally changed my life.
As I continue on my spiritual journey I'm becoming clearer about some essential realizations. The first and foremost is that the practice of meditation is the most important component of what I aspire to.
Meditation has empowered me to re-train and re-culture my mind. It has been central in my quest to uncover more about myself, which in turn has helped me to clarify my aspirations. The perseverance and determination to thrive with the practice of meditation has been a platform from which I have been able to consciously redesign my circumstances.
Those of you familiar with the spiritual practice of Affirmative Prayer (also known as Spiritual Mind Treatment) may point to that practice as a tool for conscious creation. And as someone who has spent years learning about crafting prayers I would have to agree with you. However, through meditation I have established a profound clarity, expansiveness and a direct sense of love. Combining meditation and prayer is like adding jet fuel to a moped. When I pray following meditation it always has a feel that cannot be compared to prayer alone.
Central to the Buddha's teaching on meditation was the idea that we should strive for mastery of the mind. I have rephrased this as ‘mastery of the objective mind’. The more I've delved into this practice the more I've come to realize that mastery of the objective mind is actually a skill. The more I practice using this skill the better I become at it. Over time I've gotten better at being the one that directs my objective mind, not the other way around (which used to so often be the case).
The objective mind (the analyst, critic, linear planner, and judge) is a tool and a facilitator. That part of me that is subjective mind (true self, soul, etc.) created the objective mind with will. Every time I use operate through my objective mind without awareness of the true self I blindly imprint memories, mental conditions, values and agreements beneath the surface of my consciousness.
The Buddha talked about the carving of grooves, or in the Pali language Saṅkhāra, beneath the surface of our conscious awareness. I explain it thus:
About the soul is a reservoir of memories. Each emotionally charged reaction, mental-conditioning, value, agreement, belief or attitude I dwell upon is carved like a groove upon my reservoir of memories. We have grooves that align with our aspirations and grooves that align with reactions to belief in separation. The more intense the emotional experience with that moment the deeper the groove my reactions carve.When we go through life without an awareness of what is going on beneath the surface we get caught up in the same old thing. We experience boredom. We get into a rut. The idea of feeling invigorated or renewed becomes more challenging.
The great gift of meditation to me has been a way for me to re-train my objective mind. I've spent many hours refining such skills as focus, concentration and harmonious awareness. And the deeper I've travelled along this path the more indescribably beautiful the journey with this practice has become. Old grooves have been smoothed away (a process for which I will explain more about at a later entry in this series) and I have found an increase in my ability to concentrate. A direct effect of meditation for me has shown up in my being able to maintain a harmonious and loving awareness so much more than I used to be able to. Meditation has yielded great mental discipline for me. And because it has changed my thinking it has literally changed my life.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
More Meditation...
It is confirmed. I will be on meditation retreat from August 17 to 28 - 10 days of intense meditation and service. I've no doubts as to the power of being surrounded by others doing such deep practice nor of the removal of distractions. I also count myself blessed to be able to do this retreat before September and the meditation course I'll be teaching at the Centre for Spiritual Living, Edmonton. A perfect way to prepare.
I have also started working on a vision for a weekly meditation gathering in Edmonton. The feedback from the 3 sessions we've done once a month through the summer has been wonderful. I keep getting the sense, signs and comments that it is time to begin creating this.
In a recent meditation I saw myself in the future (more grey hair was the giveaway). I was on stage and sitting on a meditation cushion. As I spent time contemplating this vision I had the distinct feeling that meditation is going to be central to my path of spiritual advisor and teacher. I am still cooking but the sense of something wonderful unfolding is with me every day.
I have also started working on a vision for a weekly meditation gathering in Edmonton. The feedback from the 3 sessions we've done once a month through the summer has been wonderful. I keep getting the sense, signs and comments that it is time to begin creating this.
In a recent meditation I saw myself in the future (more grey hair was the giveaway). I was on stage and sitting on a meditation cushion. As I spent time contemplating this vision I had the distinct feeling that meditation is going to be central to my path of spiritual advisor and teacher. I am still cooking but the sense of something wonderful unfolding is with me every day.
Monday, August 1, 2011
An Interim Home for Meditation Recordings
I was speaking with a web designer friend in Second Life earlier today and he pointed out that I do not need to wait for the newly designed webpage being available before sharing the meditations I've begun to record. If you look to the right hand side of this page you will see a new set of links with the title Meditation Recordings.
The 30 minute meditation is an abridged version of the first 60 minute session and is designed for convenience. I have also shared the first two stages of the Revealing Eternal Presence Meditation practice. My guidance is to listen to the 60 minute meditation I before proceeding to II. If you meditate for 1 hour a day I would suggest working with stage I for approximately 2 weeks before using stage II.
I hope you enjoy these meditations. Over time I will be sharing more of this meditation practice as well as providing them in Podcast format so that you can more easily transfer them to mobile devices.
The 30 minute meditation is an abridged version of the first 60 minute session and is designed for convenience. I have also shared the first two stages of the Revealing Eternal Presence Meditation practice. My guidance is to listen to the 60 minute meditation I before proceeding to II. If you meditate for 1 hour a day I would suggest working with stage I for approximately 2 weeks before using stage II.
I hope you enjoy these meditations. Over time I will be sharing more of this meditation practice as well as providing them in Podcast format so that you can more easily transfer them to mobile devices.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
