"Thank You for Noticing" - Accepting a Compliment with Grace

A couple of years ago I was on a retreat and had the delight to spend some time with a teacher called, Kabir Helminski.  Along with participating in a Zikr led by Shiekh Helminski I also had the opportunity to sit with him for over 90 minutes as he dissected some of Rumi's passages. 

To this day I remember his insightful and loving stare, his gentle passion and eloquence as he explored the inner meaning and mysteries contained within Rumi's prose and poetry.  Like a master locksmith he was unlocking hidden meaning for us, bearing the mechanics of the lock and its' secrets, and expressing living evidence of the product of decades of studying and contemplating Rumi's Divinely inspired poetry.  And that is what a teacher can be; a key to a lock within life.  However, even in such moments of teaching it is for us to turn the key.

At the end of the session I went up and thanked this teacher.  In a few words I noted how much I had enjoyed his clarity, the benefit of his contemplation that had laid bare such hidden meaning for me and the joy he clearly had for his task in this lifetime.  When I was done he bowed his head, touched his hand to his heart and said, "Thank you for noticing." 

We parted ways and I have not seen him since.  But above and beyond all of the teachings and sharing of that day, the manner in which he acknowledged my compliment has had the most profound impact on me.  I shall explain why.

At the time I was struck by the profound quality of such a response.  In contemplating the choice of these words I have come to deeply appreciate their beautiful truth and elegance.  I realized that in the past I have tried to deflect or lessen a compliment when it has been shared.  I might have said something along the line of, "it wasn't a big deal", or "it was nothing."  But in truth, these statements were, I believe, my way of averting taking ownership for my part in the events leading up to the compliment.  I believe that in the past I had less than a sense of perfect self-worth, and when using a deflecting statement I was unconsciously putting up a block to fully owning my part in the exchange.  I may even have been influenced by a cultural belief that we should be modest in the face of compliments lest our head become so big that we cannot get through doorframes.  But regardless of the cause of such responses, by trying to deflect a compliment I was in effect averting a wonderful recognition of my worth in that moment.

My contemplations also revealed another aspect of truth.  When he said, 'Thank you for noticing', I believe that Kabir was also acknowledging that in being able to observe his clarity, his expression of Truth and his joy, that I, as the observer, must also have a conscious grasp of these qualities.  In effect, he was subtly paying me a compliment.  Have you ever heard, 'if you spot it, you've got it'?  Have you heard of the idea that what we see in others is a reflection of what is in us?  Thus, when we observe truth, joy and clarity in others, that must mean we have a conscious grasp of these qualities.  By saying, "thank you for noticing" he was acknowledging in some way that in order to have observed these wonderful qualities in him that I too was embodying these qualities at some level.

I was changed by this event.  Since that exchange and my subsequent contemplation I have found myself responding to a compliment by saying, 'thank you for noticing.'  What a wonderful subtle practice of Truth this is!  When I speak these words I am both consciously claiming the work that I have done to reveal this Truth as well as acknowledging that the other person also has these qualities.  With such an awareness I am equalizing the exchange.  For in spite of being the one receiving the compliment, I am paying one in return.  I am acknowledging that the person offering the compliment must have the awareness to appreciate what is within me and thus is my equal.  How could it be otherwise? 

This is a subtle practice.  With a conscious and deep understanding I can accept a compliment without inflating the ego because I am clearly establishing the value of everyone in the exchange.

Claim your Divine authority!  In changing your awareness, accept that there will be times where you will have a positive impact on the world around you.  When someone in the apparent reality compliments you, accept these words with a knowing that, even though they are responding to the Eternal Presence expressing through you, you were the one who did the work to reveal the Eternal Presence.  And as you accept the compliment be aware that the one paying the compliment must embody these qualities by being able to recognize them in you.

Know the Flow and be happy my friends.