Connections of the Heart

Tonight I had the absolute joy to bump into some treasured friends.  I first met Lisa Ferraro and Erika Luckett at the Circle of Love last year.  Together Lisa and Erika come together as Ruby.  I was so deeply touched by their music at the time.  However, tonight my soul was reminded of something more.

But perhaps I should step back.  In August last year I had the opportunity to go on a spiritual retreat called the Circle of Love.  This celebration and discovery of love is inspired by the poems of Rumi.  During this retreat of self-enquiry we were guided to step from the circle of time into the circle of love.  For me this retreat will forever be treasured.  It was perhaps the defining moment for me, where I begun a most deep transformation.  Any doubt in my mind of a life of service melted away in the consciousness that took up my heart and cast my awareness like ashes across an ocean of love.  And yet, such words do hollow justice to what transpired.  I arose from the fires of the circle of love like the Phoenix, the ashes I'd come from the shedding of old ideas and the feathers the flight of evolution.

One of the most significant transformations for me was the discovery of the poetry within.  I had the pleasure to hear Lisa and Erika play their songs with a Sufi Shiekh called Kabir Kaminski (also a member of Ruby although sadly not playing tonight).  I was so touched by their performance that I wrote a poem on the spot.  And so enthused with energy I went up to them and shared my poetry.  They were touched and so began a friendship.

And then tonight we met again.  It was wonderful to see them.  Although we'd not physically met since those 4 days on retreat it was clear the love and delight was in the air as we rushed to hug each other.  At the end I had a chance to talk with them for a while.  I was particularly touched by a comment from Erika, about how open and loving I had been.  And yet as I think on her wonderful words I cannot help but remember how they had both touched my heart.  How treasured these meetings are, where like orbiting satellites we find ourselves meeting other planets.  And for a while meet in orbit, gravity and magnitism helping us to share space for a while.  Our orbits then resume, but with gravity the way it is, the Universe is never quite the same.

How the Internet has Personally Touched Me

As you may know I spend each day online. Through Second Life I meet people and I share spiritual practice.  I meditate and invite others to join with me, sharing spiritual practice with them.  I share thoughts about the philosophy and beliefs I have, and get to learn from many wonderful people as they share their insights and perspectives.  The Internet for me is becoming my focused ministry.

It turns out that in real life that the perception of what I am doing has begun to create a wave. I won't go into the details but I did want to share the core aspects of an email I sent to the person I consider to be my spiritual teacher in this time. This is a beautiful learning experience for me and I must say that regardless of the outcome I am in a place of purpose. The ripples and waves we see about us are not always about us. However, our perception is.

The wave in this case is a presented position from someone that they do not believe that a 'personal touch' can be found on the Internet. As I read this statement I was struck by it. Thankfully I turned to meditation. The following is what I penned:

As I reflected upon the email I received today I was reminded of one of the most deep and meaningful connections of my life, one that was made through the Internet. I met my wife on the Internet in 1996. We spent a year getting to know each other through a chat room before we ever met in person. And when we did meet, the spell was completed; the personal sharing and connections that we’d made through the Internet were as deep to us as any physical meeting we’d had before that. We fell in love and are still married in 2010. Without the Internet, or the personal connections we made through this medium, I would not be here in Edmonton. I do not even know if I would be a Practitioner or if I would have discovered this philosophy that has so transformed my life. It is possible that I might not even be alive today were it not for the Internet and the ways in which I have been personally touched, not only by Gail, but by the many beautiful souls I have met over the years.

I then recalled discussing the idea of connecting through the Internet with Gail (a PhD in Psychology as you know). She shared some highlights of psychological research into online counselling over the past 10 years. It turns out that online counselling has not only been studied by the behavioural scientific community, but that the benefits of deep and meaningful connections through such exchanges, the very rapport, personal touch, and trust required for counselling, have been successfully applied through the Internet, and is an active idea in expression today.

I can relate to this research for it very much reflects my personal experience. Where there might be an idea for some that the “personal touch just isn’t there”, I have a set of experiences that are quite to the contrary. I have been involved in online communities for over 15 years now. I have moderated discussion boards, chat rooms, created online communities (amongst other things), met many wonderful people from around the world, and have been constantly reminded of the potential of the Internet to allow people to connect in ways they never could have other wise.

But then it came to mind that the above words I have written are just ideas, merely my perspectives. My experiences contribute to the cherished beliefs that I have. My beliefs influence the ideas I can envision, and that I am ready to behold and discover. It is clear to me that I have no desire to communicate the above ideas in an effort to 'convince' anyone. I am not here to convince anyone of anything. However, should anyone enquire as to my experience I would be delighted to share the joy in my heart, and the ideas I have.

Within this morning’s meditation I released these ideas and asked for a higher knowing. The next idea that came to mind was to write this email to you. It is clear to me that I have different experiences of the Internet following some 15 years of virtual exploration. I recall a talk of yours where you spoke about the 10,000 hours required to master a skill. When it comes to the Internet, I’ve put in my 10,000 hours, and I’ve got a number of ideas about how to extend this teaching into the Internet whilst providing the supports and creating the community required to empower people in doing deep and truthful work.

In this meditation, as I set my egoic ideas and beliefs down, I was reminded of something simple, yet profound. Conversations around the Internet will benefit when we are aware of our cherished beliefs. There is much Truth in the world, and more often than not it is the coming together of many different Truths that allows for an even greater one to be revealed.

The email and the work of organizations approving online courses are but one aspect of consciousness playing itself out. I have a vision to connect in Truth with others through the Internet. I bring my spiritual practice with others online and we share. In the time I have been in this dedicated daily practice online I have met many wonderful people, many people seeking something more. By simply showing up, by being, I am connecting and planting the seed of truth into the soil of the path that others tread upon. I am not attached to their stopping to look at this sprouting seedling, but I am clear that regardless of what differences there may be in ideas, beliefs, and experiences, there is but one destination. And given that I have done this without developing courses to deliver online I am left with the impression that perhaps for now, at least until I have a greater understanding, that I should simply continue what I have been doing. It seems to be working, and I feel alive as only the fire of purpose can make one feel.

The destination will be reached in many ways. The higher knowing as I hear it whispers to me of just continuing to be. All will unfold perfectly. Should you wish to bring the various visionaries together in the Centre I shall be ready to serve and support. Should you wish to connect the visions locally with the wider vision of the larger organization I shall be ready to serve and support. And in the mean time, I shall serve and support.

Know the Flow as you go.

The Force is with Me

On January 14th, 2010 I blogged about The Power of Disappointment here.  At the time I felt clear and inspired by the experience that had unfolded, and celebrated my growth.  My response to the person on the other end of that shared experience had been in loving kindness.  May I ever have such awareness.

But there's more: Events over the past few weeks have prompted yet another reason to celebrate today.

But before I continue I also have to refer you to a more recent blog titled, May the Force be With You.  In this blog I talked about a crazy weekend where I wrote over 8,000 words around an idea I had for a science fiction novel in the Star Wars universe.

A few weeks later I've got an epic plot outline (a mix of murder mystery, conspiracy, space battes, lightsabers, use of the Force, and a threat to the very galaxy itself), a cast of characters, and I'm over 15,000 words into a fiictional book of spiritual-philosophy that is turning into an amazing experience for me.  And the point of this blog? Well, had the private equity deal gone through I never would have had time to do this.  When it comes down to it, I feel that for me in this moment that writing a fictional story about spiritual principles and spiritual Truth through the eyes of characters facing an epic challenge to overcome is far more meaningful to my journey than making millions of dollars growing a business.  Not only is it more directly in line with my life vision to inspire and support the transformation of all, but it's causing me to deeply examine my beliefs about the nature of the Universe and how to relate them in writing.

I've no idea as to the specific outcome for this book.  I do know that this book will be a wonderful expression of the Divine.  Only yesterday morning I wrote 2,300 words in just over 2 hours (that's about 9 pages!).  When the flow is that fast, and that furious, something is clearly afoot.  The purpose and vision for this book is clear.  And no matter whether it is accepted by Lucas Books for formal publication, or one of the literary agents I've begun to approach takes me on board, or some other wonderful unfolding of synchronicity unfolds, this is a life changing moment for me.

I love to write, I love to explore and expand my understanding of my spiritualty, and I love to inspire others.  This undertaking will do more for my personal growth than focusing on dollars and business could do.  And just to think, how easy it could have been to have let frustration at an attachment get in the way of this flow.  Just because we cannot see our most beautiful expression unfolding in what we perceive as a failure does not mean we are failing.  It might be impossible to see all ends but I had to share the wondrous realization I had today.

Seeing Through the Eyes of Love

Sometimes we don't like people.  We don't like what they do, how they express themselves, how irrational we feel they may act, or how unexpectedly they may surprise us with curve-balls.  And that's OK.

The first thought that comes to mind is based on the idea of projection (a Psychology term) which basically boils down to - if we notice something in another and it bothers us it's most likely a clue from the Universe that we need to look within.

I've had a very interesting experience the past couple of weeks.  It turns out that I've managed to attract someone into my life that fits into the above description.  Initially my reaction was to try and ignore them.  And then I found myself feeling 'anxious' about what they were saying.  Fortunately I found myself thinking back to an observation around the 12 step group I visited a short while back.  One of the symptoms was that children of alcoholic parents (and dysfunctional, drug-infested, abusive family environments) tend to seek approval; their sense of self-worth is shot and often self-esteem is an issue. 

I also believe that I've done a LOT of work around self-worth over the past few years.  Yet as I look within I know that often the subconsious blocks, those wounds and beliefs of the past, are rarely one shot deals - or, one fix doesn't always mean you're done.  Sometimes you have a series of beliefs and wounds to heal, and sometimes that may take years.  Each healed wound becomes one less block, and one day you really have grown through the lesson.  And since I have obviously been visited by this experience challenging me to know my self-worth then obviously I have work yet to do.

With this realization came a few insights:

• I have manifested people in my experience who are challenging me by disapproving of everything I say/write, quite unexpectedly
• This was evoking anxiety
• And when you feel anxiety that's a sure sign that your attention is focused on 'without'.  The best cure to anxiety is to shift your focus to within, to love.

And with those realizations the answer became obvious - I needed to step back from my observations about their behaviour and focus on seeing the Divine in them.  I might not have to like their behaviour but that should never negate the Truth about them and that they are an expression of the Divine.  It is essential that regardless of my like for anyone I must ALWAYS see them through the eyes of Love.

Immediately the sense of anxiety disappeared.  I marvelled at the moment.  I even decided to play with the feeling.  I returned my thinking to the other person, and their behaviour.  And sure enough, the anxiety returned.  A moment later, with a smile on my face, I turned the anxiety off.

Yes, it really was as simple as that. 

Regardless of what others do I can always look upon them through eyes of Love.  And when I look in this way, recognizing that we're all One, I am looking upon myself in love.  This is compassion in action.  Compassion will never co-exist with anxiety, just as fear will never co-exist with love.

Know the Flow as you go

Stories and their last telling

Stories have been used for countless years to impart knowledge, wisdom, and to teach.  Stories have also been used for countless years to express our experience, to share our perspective, and to release.  Sometimes the stories we tell reflect patterns and pain that are opportunities for growth for us.  Sometimes we get so good at telling stories of pain and suffering that we suffer through their telling without even realizing it.

Recently I was in a session with a client when they spoke of speaking their story.  They had recognized that they had been telling the same story over and over again.  As I listened I was struck by both their insight and a symptom.  They had the insight to recognize the pattern and yet were expressing frustration at being 'done' with telling the story - almost as if frustrated and wanting to move on.  We entered into a dialog.

"When you think of the person that is a part of your story how do you feel?"  I asked.

"I feel 'grrr'...it's like each telling is a part of the release.  But I know that I'm now done with telling the story."

I then asked them what their vision of this relationship was - it's one thing to want to move on but without a vision of where you are going to a gap can be left.  Some discussion surfaced that they sought acceptance and compassion.  A final thought entered my mind for that particular topic.

"Do you think your vision includes a telling of this story where you tell it from a place of love?"

Intellectually they could agree but acknowledged that they had some work left to do.  This work became the basis of next steps.  Simply reaching for an ideal is not what we need to actually do.  It's one thing to have a vision, or ideal, or where you want to go.  But it's quite another to take the steps to get there.  That's where the work actually is.

I think that what I learned in that moment was that we are only truly done with a story if the last telling was made from a place of love.  At that point we really are ready to release the story, and never need to tell it again.  We might not 'like' the choices that people make that trigger the stories in us and that we tell, but we should never forget that the Divine is in all.  And 'that' is worth loving at all times.

Random musings on grace

Tonight I felt called to simply share some notes I journalled earlier.  This is far from a polished set of paragraphs, rather a series of thoughts. It is not my customary approach to blogging but I will confess that I felt drawn to express in this way regardless.

Please accept whatever resonates for you and let the rest pass you by:

• The first condition to release is the one within
• When we see someone act and express in ways we do not like we do not have to accept what they do.  Unconditional love is accepting others because we sense and know the seed of the Divine in others.  As I believe the Divine is expressing in all I find the basis for compassion
• The seeds we plant sprout at our level of belief.  The plant will grow as predictably from the seed from which it came, just as our thought will show up exactly as we asked
• The contrast of no-growth against our judgment of good and bad offers us an opportunity to appreciate what is possible and to find joy in our experience.  When we come to know the Divine, Oneness, God, in all we can then know the contrast we experience will be the same opportunity for them
• When we experience something we can take the opportunity to enquire within about our reaction
• We show up with our gifts where they can be put to best use
• We have response-ability:  When we realize our thinking results in our experience we can see that we also have the ability to respond to events, experiences and people as we choose.  How I respond equates to how I think, which in turn equates to what shows up
• Humans have come to define and judge, good and bad.  God does not judge, and there is neither good nor bad to the Infinite.  There simply is and is not, growth and no growth.  We have formed values based on good and bad.  Our perception is influenced by our values, and in turn our perception translates good or bad.  If we do perceive good or bad then perhaps the opportunity for our growth is to ask of ourselves, what is behind and/or causing this reaction?  What belief or value do I have?
• Grace is another way of saying that the energy of God is forever flowing within us - God takes care of the details
• Acceptance is knowing that something perfect is always unfolding, inspite of our judgment to the contrary
• And if we read all the above, understand intellectually what is being said but still 'feel' as we did before, then we can seek support from another who has found feeling that moves them in these words
• Can you think of a time in your life that by appearences should not have happened?  That too is the grace of God

Know the Flow as you go

Got Podcast?

You may recall that I recently blogged about my experience within Second Life.  This is turning into a wonderful journey.  What started as a vision to bring spirituality into the virtual context (the Internet) has started to take shape as the Community for Spiritual Living in Second Life. 

At first I simply wanted to explore.  The more I explored the more I realized that there wasn't anything that quite covered the philosophies and beliefs I have.  I then opted to bring my meditation practice into SL.  Each morning I silently meditate, but log in.  And each evening I send out invitations to share in meditation practice.  The format is simple: I spend the first 10 minutes setting the spiritual context, and explain the focus of that night's meditation (very useful for those new to meditation).  We then meditate for 30 minutes.  Following that we have a discussion about our experiences and close with a blessing, or affirmative prayer.

In essence, I'm being a Practitioner, just in very subtle ways.  There's no need to ram spiritual concepts down peoples throats - just live it through your practice.  The result?  Well, after a month the Community for Spiritual Living has 42 members.  Each evening over the past week has seen between 8-12 people show up to share in meditation.  And tonight I was asked if I have a podcast?

A podcast, for those of you who are not familiar with the idea, is an audio or video file that is released periodically through the Internet.  I'd never thought about this, but when the suggestion was made it reminded me that I've put the intent for the right and perfect delivery of these ideas.  There's a much bigger idea in terms of the cirriculum, workshops, and how such ideas and philosophies might be delivered in RL.  Come to think of it I owe Reverend Patrick a draft email for him to send to the Board of Education.  But in short, it's beautiful to spot the synchronicity of my vision and what's beginning to manifest.

This is an amazing experience.  The beginnings are indeed humble.  Even if I help to inspire and support the transformation of one person then the work is worthwhile. 

And so, if you have experience at creating podcasts and want to help me out, give me a shout.  Who knows, maybe there are a series of meditation podcasts to come?

Know the Flow as you go,
Carmien

12 Steps

As a part of my homework for the Practitioner practicum I went to a 12 step meeting of Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACOA).  I have to say that overall I was impressed with both the group and the experience.

Interestingly, the whole experience started for me in quite an interesting way.  My prayer partner suggested that we might undertake this endeavour together.  I'd never attended such a meeting before; the only starting point I had an Internet search.  He not only suggested a group that particularly jumped out at him and but also quickly unearted some information.  We went shortly after that.

My initial impression came from a sheet where ACOA provides a list of questions to help you determine if you could recognize some behaviours and symptoms in yourself.  As a child that grew up with alcoholic mother, and in a dysfunctional household, it was very interesting reading those questions.  I nodded as most of them triggered a 'been there done that' response.  I also noted though, that I had worked through those symptoms too, particularly over the past year. 

We showed up early and promptly sat down to read some handouts given to us.  The sheets were loaded with information.  It became very clear and obvious that much thinking had gone into the group, its structure, and purpose. 

As the session started one of the initial comments of being a 'beginners group' jumped out at me.  For a group 13 years in existence I found myself wondering what being in an advanced group signified, but let that thought go; it was doing nothing for me truth be told.  I did enjoy the moment of silence to reflect on why we were here though.

After the introductions and the opening prayer the structure became more pronounced.  The more I heard the more interesting it became.  The key of these meetings is about focusing on behaviours and patterns.  The group then read through the sheet that contained 5 sections: What I found out; problem, solution, 12 steps; 12 traditions.  As I thought about these I translated them into my language and came up with: Symptoms (What I found out), behaviours (problem), tools (solution), process (12 steps), norms and expectations of behaviour (12 traditions). 

Before the sharing commenced propose the facilitator then clarified something I felt was important.  He stated that the meetings work by breaking the three rules that children in alcoholic environments learned as they were growing up: Don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel.  Finally, a point from each of the five sections was shared as a guide for what those sharing should focus on.

As I observed the sharing it was clear to see that great work was being done.  There were obvious signs of people having shifted from avoidance, to asking the tough questions.  One of the strengths I observed was that the program helps participants to identify symptoms, provides tools and questions to support change.  The effort and focus was clearly about looking for patterns to avoid repeating the past.  The sharing of progress and acknowledgement of improvements was also evident of a strong support community.

The conclusion I drew was that in this program there is clearly a lot of power for people in need.  I count myself blessed to have witnessed this and realized how much work I have these past couple of years.  I could relate to many of the words and sharings.  It's clear that as a child growing up with an alcoholic mother that I inhereted some very similar behaviour and stories.  The work that participants had done was profound and I celebrate it with them.  It was an honour to be able to sit there, know the Divine flowing through them, and to hold their continued perfect journey in my consciousness.

But what about this experience as an opportunity to grow as a Practitioner?  When reading the handout of the many symptoms that jumped out at me I had the opportunity to be reminded of one in particular, but in an indirect manner.  I recall reading about a symptom that spoke about children from alcoholic background finding themselves constantly seeking approval and finding it hard to accept compliments.  I could definitely relate to this.  For years I found myself seeking external validation a lot of the time.  At the same time when someone would pay me a compliment I'd brush it off, almost deflecting it, failing to acknowledge it, or declining it in some simple way.

And then a few days later a good friend was speaking to me about an event that had happened for her.  She has been addressing a life lesson of having had friends and family always look to her to meet their needs.  She's come to a point of  feeling invisible at times because she's come to a place of feeling like her own needs were never important.  Her experiences had trained her to belittle her needs to the point of suppression.  She is working through this, but it's a journey.

During a conversation I noticed something  that she'd said that showed she was honouring her needs.  She was in effect saying, 'yes, I needed that, AND I acted on that need.'  I complimented her and she immediately proceeded to tell me about another event where someone had complimented her on the role of being the Chief Operating Officer in her job.  I found this interesting, and pointed it out.  Rather than pausing to accept the compliment I was paying to her about her taking her time to honour her needs, she immediately jumped to talking about another compliment that was about her living a role in job that is all about meeting the needs of others.

In short, keeping our eyes open for when come across the documented examples paterns in life is a valuable practice.  In this case my experience with this particular syptom supported me in immediately applying an understanding of this symptom to help another person come to a realization and take a step on their journey.