12 Steps

As a part of my homework for the Practitioner practicum I went to a 12 step meeting of Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACOA).  I have to say that overall I was impressed with both the group and the experience.

Interestingly, the whole experience started for me in quite an interesting way.  My prayer partner suggested that we might undertake this endeavour together.  I'd never attended such a meeting before; the only starting point I had an Internet search.  He not only suggested a group that particularly jumped out at him and but also quickly unearted some information.  We went shortly after that.

My initial impression came from a sheet where ACOA provides a list of questions to help you determine if you could recognize some behaviours and symptoms in yourself.  As a child that grew up with alcoholic mother, and in a dysfunctional household, it was very interesting reading those questions.  I nodded as most of them triggered a 'been there done that' response.  I also noted though, that I had worked through those symptoms too, particularly over the past year. 

We showed up early and promptly sat down to read some handouts given to us.  The sheets were loaded with information.  It became very clear and obvious that much thinking had gone into the group, its structure, and purpose. 

As the session started one of the initial comments of being a 'beginners group' jumped out at me.  For a group 13 years in existence I found myself wondering what being in an advanced group signified, but let that thought go; it was doing nothing for me truth be told.  I did enjoy the moment of silence to reflect on why we were here though.

After the introductions and the opening prayer the structure became more pronounced.  The more I heard the more interesting it became.  The key of these meetings is about focusing on behaviours and patterns.  The group then read through the sheet that contained 5 sections: What I found out; problem, solution, 12 steps; 12 traditions.  As I thought about these I translated them into my language and came up with: Symptoms (What I found out), behaviours (problem), tools (solution), process (12 steps), norms and expectations of behaviour (12 traditions). 

Before the sharing commenced propose the facilitator then clarified something I felt was important.  He stated that the meetings work by breaking the three rules that children in alcoholic environments learned as they were growing up: Don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel.  Finally, a point from each of the five sections was shared as a guide for what those sharing should focus on.

As I observed the sharing it was clear to see that great work was being done.  There were obvious signs of people having shifted from avoidance, to asking the tough questions.  One of the strengths I observed was that the program helps participants to identify symptoms, provides tools and questions to support change.  The effort and focus was clearly about looking for patterns to avoid repeating the past.  The sharing of progress and acknowledgement of improvements was also evident of a strong support community.

The conclusion I drew was that in this program there is clearly a lot of power for people in need.  I count myself blessed to have witnessed this and realized how much work I have these past couple of years.  I could relate to many of the words and sharings.  It's clear that as a child growing up with an alcoholic mother that I inhereted some very similar behaviour and stories.  The work that participants had done was profound and I celebrate it with them.  It was an honour to be able to sit there, know the Divine flowing through them, and to hold their continued perfect journey in my consciousness.

But what about this experience as an opportunity to grow as a Practitioner?  When reading the handout of the many symptoms that jumped out at me I had the opportunity to be reminded of one in particular, but in an indirect manner.  I recall reading about a symptom that spoke about children from alcoholic background finding themselves constantly seeking approval and finding it hard to accept compliments.  I could definitely relate to this.  For years I found myself seeking external validation a lot of the time.  At the same time when someone would pay me a compliment I'd brush it off, almost deflecting it, failing to acknowledge it, or declining it in some simple way.

And then a few days later a good friend was speaking to me about an event that had happened for her.  She has been addressing a life lesson of having had friends and family always look to her to meet their needs.  She's come to a point of  feeling invisible at times because she's come to a place of feeling like her own needs were never important.  Her experiences had trained her to belittle her needs to the point of suppression.  She is working through this, but it's a journey.

During a conversation I noticed something  that she'd said that showed she was honouring her needs.  She was in effect saying, 'yes, I needed that, AND I acted on that need.'  I complimented her and she immediately proceeded to tell me about another event where someone had complimented her on the role of being the Chief Operating Officer in her job.  I found this interesting, and pointed it out.  Rather than pausing to accept the compliment I was paying to her about her taking her time to honour her needs, she immediately jumped to talking about another compliment that was about her living a role in job that is all about meeting the needs of others.

In short, keeping our eyes open for when come across the documented examples paterns in life is a valuable practice.  In this case my experience with this particular syptom supported me in immediately applying an understanding of this symptom to help another person come to a realization and take a step on their journey.