Monday, December 21, 2009

Recollection of Grace

I paused for a while in blogging and journaling. After some weeks of intense work I've started to relax on some vacation time. Interestingly, a back that had previously been in good health is suddenly out again. However, I know that compared to times past it is but a shadow of what it once was. I celebrate this growth and release myself from attachment.

On a whim I was drawn to scan my past blogs and poems. One that perhaps stands out for me is No Concern of Yours. It is about unconditional love. Love is a subject that I think is tricky to write about, and a poem even more of a challenge. Love is a subject that's been worked in so many forms that it's to fall prey to either repeating, being cliched, or simply lost in a sea of subject.

But in spite of that I found myself exploring the idea of love once more, and how it sits alongside the idea of 'grace'.


Recollection of Grace

I may never read your mind,
nor know your deepest fear,
but of your perfect essence,
I shall thus strive to be clear.

Most meaningful of powers,
built upon joy's fuel of All,
the cause of such existence,
the source from which we call.

Just because I'm unconcious,
does not negate this truth,
yet I'm sure to strive regardless,
to one ending from my youth.

Yet so often forgotten
is love lamented, missed,
I celebrate endurance;
pertinaciously insist.

Yet grace is recollection,
a choice to live through love,
to know the nature of All,
beyond this joy dreamed of.

With this vision I now see,
may I accept all as they be.
May my deeds be set to justice,
every word a loving sea.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Friday, November 27, 2009

Lead From the Heart

Perhaps it is fitting that I would take two weeks off before making my 100th blog posting. I will confess that these past two weeks have been an exciting and rewarding time for many reasons. Yet each day I have spent time looking within as I observe without. One story caught my attention the other day.

The BBC World Service ran a report on the Bonn Declaration of July 16, 2001. In that declaration the developed nations made a pledge, by 2005, to give developing nations $410M per year to help with climate change. However, according to the BBC report no trace as to how that money was spent was to be found as of 2009. Leaders and politicians 'claimed' they had spent this money. The UN Secretary General went so far as to suggest that trust had been damaged. And through it all no one seems to be able to agree on what exactly happened following this declaration.

One element that stood out for me was the speculation on the part of the reporter, with some fairly damning evidence, that the wording of the declaration had been so vague as to make it an un-enforceable agreement. Forget about the idea of any system of smart measurement, clear infrastructure on how to submit money to such a fund or to make payments. And obviously, any chance of accountability was, if history is any evidence, clearly left out.

I can't help but think that the answer to all such calamities lies in the human heart. As we come to exercise our power to reflect we must look about and see the magnificence of all that is, and stand meekly before it. We are not talking about "climate change" - we are really talking about the manner in which we respect mother earth and hold her precious in our hearts. And just maybe we will come to a place where the challenge is seeing where there are no miracles. With such a vision we will finally understand what it is to be responsible. We will view terms such as "climate change" as hollow, and our hearts will be drawn to know the truth of all that sustains our physical bodies.

I can only imagine that in the days leading up to July 16th 2001 that leaders and politicians sat in luxury hotel rooms in Bonn 'negotiating' climate change, wrestling with how to find a way forward that wouldn't leave them hamstrung by their opposition parties upon their return home. As it was once said, "a leader is a person who has an unusual degree of power to create the conditions under which other people must live and move and have their being - conditions that can either be as illuminating as heaven or as shadowy as hell."

In the end the only meaningful answer I can offer is to know that those that are called to lead do so from the heart: That they are called to project a spirit of light. But perhaps the bumper sticker, "Think globally, act locally" is more relevant to the rest of us. What are we doing individually? For my part, I no longer eat meat. Apparently, cows are the biggest contributors of methane (and greenhouse) gases on the planet. Both the cars we own are hybrids. We use LED lights where possible. I could go on, but even these words are meaningless if I do not carry a caring for the world, something bigger than me, in my heart.

In the end, the movement to think globally must be accompanied by actions locally that come from your heart. When was the last time you contemplated what the words "Climate Change" mean to you? How does your heart feel about this? What are you doing to contribute positively to the nurturing and caring of mother earth? Only when you have answered these questions will you be in a position to look to leaders and the weighty responsibilities they carry upon their shoulders, and offer them advice.

Lead From the Heart
The answer to any calamity,
lies within your heart.
Exercise power to reflect,
stand meekly, not apart.

See the magnificence,
let miracles flood your sight.
Understand what it is,
be responsible, and project light.

Look not to leaders,
or be transfixed by their spin.
Heed the whispers of what matters,
of your heart and what's within.


Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Monday, November 9, 2009

Remembrance Day

The preparations for Remembrance Day have, as usual, been accompanied by advertisements on the television. The theme at least from the Canadian perspective is to not just observe but to get involved. More interesting, for me at least, was my initial reaction. I will confess that I am torn and believe this is a topic worthy of a blog for a number of reasons. This may well be one of the most challenging entries I am ever likely to make, even if only because of the potential to offend feelings and beliefs of the reader when weighing in on something that is as impactful as war and remembrance.

I suspect that my being raised in Britain, a culture that takes remembrance very seriously, conflicting with my recent spiritual journey has something to do with my reaction. The idea of remembering war and death provides a juxtaposition to metaphysical teaching. If anything, the focus of Spiritual Living is that you are what you think. Thinking about war runs contrary to my everyday intent. However, this is far from being a final position on my part; I would propose this is a topic that is not so simply resolved.

I have a number of memories related to the legacy of war and Remembrance Day. My grandfather served in World War II as a naval officer. He died when my mother was 15 and thus I was never to meet him. My mother idolized the memory of her father and spoke with pride about his service. She also told me the story of his throwing away his medals.

As far back as I can remember British television always made a big point of emphasizing the message of Remembrance Day. From the Poppy campaign, to the shows with military parades and services, Britain always seemed to spend a significant effort on remembering the fallout of war. And yet for an island that had the misfortune to be a key player in two World Wars this is hardly surprising.

Having never fought in a war I can only speculate at what might be passing through the mind of a veteran as they participate, or witness, the laying of a wreath. Perhaps there is a sense that the sacrifice is more meaningful if Remembrance Day serves to remind others of the value of peace? Or maybe, by remembering the lost we have an opportunity to contemplate why war is such a stain on humanity, and in turn shine a light on an idea that has fraught civilization since humans first learned how to swing a fist or throw a rock?

More recently there has been a shift in focus for some. For a few years now there has been a campaign for the white poppy. Following legal action the latest carnation of this idea is a white dove. I think the white dove is an improvement for a number of reasons, but I still cannot help but feel that the focus is still on Remembrance Day, as if one day is sufficient for a focus on peace.

The Edmonton Journal carried an article on November 7th called, "Students urged to act on wartime human-rights abuses." Lt.-Gen Romeo Dallaire, the Canadian who got to command the peacekeeping forces while the Rwandan genocide raged about and who disobeyed an order from the UN Secretary General to withdraw his troops based on information of their impending demise, is on a tour speaking to students. Dallaire had some 30,000 Rwandans under his protection. His withdrawal would have left those people for death. This is a man who has lived through genocide and had the opportunity for contemplation of war thrust upon him in the most violent of ways.

Dallaire brings a simple message; morality and ethics should be central to all decisions made within the world. He urges people to do more than claim powerlessness and get actively engaged in organizations that are dedicated to this type of cause. He believes that everyone has a responsibility to speak up and say such violence is not acceptable.

And yet for me, these perspectives whilst noble and meaningful are not quite enough. Perhaps I have been inspired by Ghandi's philosophy of active non-violence, where the belief must be that the truth will always win. There's clearly injustice in the world and I am with Dallaire that just sitting back is not enough. Yet I also believe that a paradox of life is that the harder we push, the more resistance we will encounter. War and remembrance provide an opportunity to contemplate injustice and genocides. Yet how much of my life is focused on peace? Do I need Remembrance Day to remember what peace is and why my whole life should be centred in a place of truth? And how does remembrance for peace sit against the realities of injustice?

There can only be a personal answer to these questions. Your answers must come from a place of personal contemplation, a decision to live your life wholly with awareness. At the same time I am reminded of the omnipotence of the Divine (God, Spirit, or whatever your bigger-than-life force is). If God is Infinite and everywhere, then surely war is consciousness playing itself out? The teachings of the Science of Mind tell us that "the key to freedom is the power of choice. As God is the life within us we have access to all the attributes of God. On our pathway to self-discovery we are free to choose our direction and area of involvement." Freedom is tied up with Unity because "no freedom can exist which denies or destroys the liberty or freedom of another part of that whole."

This leads me to conclude that war is an expression born of separation. War provides an experience and raises attention to choice, and the consequences of choice in its most dreadful forms. If this is true then some important questions come to mind:
  • Why and what am I remembering on Remembrance Day?
  • How is peace expressing itself in my life?
  • Is my every thought, word, and deed in line with the change I want to see in the world?
In writing this blog I knew I was taking a risk; this is not an easy topic to dissect for so many reasons. Yet I hope that the questions I've posed are worth putting front and center of any discussion around war and peace? I get to make my biggest impact by just being myself. Surely as I move through the world, and witness events such as Remembrance Day that understanding what war means to me and my life is the most meaningful activism I could get involved in.

Remembrance Day
Memories of a legacy,
war and Remembrance Day.
Impact both near and far.
Recalling peace as we pray.

I can only speculate,
at what passes through the mind,
of a veteran witnessing the laying,
of a wreath to be enshrined.

Yet for all the white coloured poppies,
or doves set to lapel,
is a single day of focus,
enough to light a searing hell?

Morality and ethics should be,
in all decisions to be made.
It takes more than claiming powerlessness,
to turn an unjust blade.

Philosophy of non-violence,
must stand squarely upon belief,
that Truth will always win,
regardless of short-term grief.

Remembrance provides opportunity,
to contemplate injustice and genocide.
How much of my life is peace?
The only answer found inside.

No freedom can exist,
that destroys of denies,
the liberty or freedom,
of any other beneath these skies.

War must be expression,
raising attention to killing done,
born of separation,
calculated firing of a gun.

What is it I'm remembering
on this Remembrance Day?
How is the world I want,
lived in what I do and what I say?

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Self-Honesty

Looking at oneself is a journey that calls for self-honesty. Can we truly be honest with ourselves, and our feelings? Is our internal communication honest? I look to my own journey and realize that I've opted for dishonesty with myself from time to time, sometimes consciously, and often unconsciously.

I recall that around 8 years of age I was caught up in the loneliness of the violence and lack that surrounded me. I suspect I strove to gain attention and escape by doing things I knew I shouldn't. I started to explore the idea of stealing things like candy bars from shops.

Was I moved by a desire to get attention or to create a situation that would see me removed from the environment I lived in? I can only speculate at my motivations at the time. The important element is that I am enquiring at all, rather than perfection in enquiry.

I do recall pausing, as I contemplated stealing, and I suspect that I was unconsciously struggling with the lack of truth in the situation. Without being able to articulate why the 8 year old knew it was wrong. Not long into my shop-lifting career I remember being caught while trying to steal a mars bar. Obviously the 8 year old in me was not very good at stealing. The person who caught me let me go, after warning me to not do it again. The gift of that moment included the guidance of someone explaining right from wrong without the extreme consequences. The universe responded in a way that didn’t include more than verbal tongue-lashing. Apparently I was salvageable and didn’t need the lesson of a sterner punishment.

To my mind comes the thought that the obstacles we encounter are actually within ourselves. As I recall that event I recognize that my internal struggle caused me to pause. The child standing in front of the candy shelf for a few minutes was the giveaway. How often does someone else spot our struggle and help us? As an 8 year old I was less adept at obfuscating the internal conversation. Perhaps as adults we've become too good at masking what's going on within? Perhaps we’ve practiced self-dishonesty so much that we’re really, really good at it, to the point of not even thinking about it most of the time?

The good news is that when events, and our evolution, cause us to get in touch with our feelings we will find it easier to get in touch with ourselves. Was a fear of lack the key driving force that day? Or was it something more? Has it taken 30 years to for me to enquire about this event and begin a process of self-honesty? How well am I getting in touch with the feelings and emotions of that time? And most importantly, what am I doing about these realizations and exploration right now?

There is more good news though - what we've repressed deep down is usually trying to make its way back to the surface. This means that we will have plenty of opportunities to become honest with ourselves, regardless of our proficiency in the art of self-dishonesty. Even 30 years later I'm living this particular opportunity to consider such events and understand what was going on for me. I'm taking the time to write about it and allow strangers to see within me. I’m seeking to balance the learning from benefit of sharing openly whilst not becoming lost to my inner perceptions around such stories.

If there will always be opportunities for self-honesty then I would suggest that we should make a practice of it. Journaling is one vehicle for exploring what's going on within. Whether coherent or not we can benefit from exploring our experiences, feelings and emotions in writing. We need never share these contemplations (as I do in a public blog) but the internal dialog will do wonders for us. In turn practice develops awareness. Awareness supports our looking more carefully at the choices and decisions behind our actions. And as we become more aware of who we are, in communicating with ourselves honestly about how we feel, we will find it easier to communicate with others. A virtuous circle will then grow that encourages us to take risks to further discover who we are in the face of our unknown.

I find it interesting that after a blog (or journal) entry last week about lack and fear of abundance that I should now be exploring self-honesty. In turn it’s interesting that I’m drawn to the moments of stealing I had earlier in my life. In some ways it is mind boggling to consider the fear of lack that I must have been exposed to as a child, and how that influenced me through my younger years to act on this fear of lack by taking that which was not mine. And yet without my practice of honestly journeying through my thoughts and feelings through journaling I may never have made this connection. I can now know love and financial freedom and serenity for the young man that I was, and hold the same knowing for me in this moment here and now.

Perhaps what I am trying to say is that self-honesty is a course of certainty to that destination known as, Know Thyself. Knowing yourself may well be one of the most beautiful gifts you will ever receive.

Self-Honesty

The mystery of all,
we may never come to see.
No one else with your qualities,
or gifts will ever be.

If you choose to withhold,
gifts of who you are,
I will be deprived of sharing,
you will forever be far.

Yet for all that we hear,
touch, taste, and see,
a part of self-awareness,
is to consciously be.

We will organize perceptions,
into mental ideas.
We should better perceive,
such formulated fears.

From perception results emotion,
thought leading the heart.
Symptomatic feelings;
where do perceptions start?

Is all for a reason,
motives hidden beyond?
Can we find beyond such reason,
essential tone of our song?

Do we fathom our journey,
from sense to decision?
Are we influenced by programs,
or experienced division?

Yet beyond all is choice,
inner decisions in action.
Am I honestly seeking,
or in illusionary contraction?

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Monday, November 2, 2009

Change

Change
Change, like our story,
helps us to move into awareness.
Change is the air beneath the wings
that carries us to fly upward,
to experience the highest mountains
and downward
to be enriched by the deepest valleys.


The journeys we undertake through change
deepen and expand us;
the experiences we encounter
lead us to become more than we were before.
And in time, if we are mindful,
we will come to know, through the gift of change,
that all things dissipate.

My life, particularly in my younger years, has involved lots of change. My earliest memory of my birth father was walking in on him as he was shooting heroin. Based on simple mathematics of the divorce I must have been no older than 4. Around five I remember being placed in a children’s home for a number of months. I later worked out that my mother had been sent to prison for assaulting a police officer. I then remember a series of father figures.

The theme of my earliest childhood years was instability and change, punctuated by violence either around me or directly involving me. The people I grew up with and the place in which I lived should have felt safest, yet was a raging river of change.

I remember the change of being taken to my first day of primary school by my social worker.  I still cannot remember if it was because she was unable to take me to my first day of school (in prison) or unable to take me to school (incapacitated in some way). Regardless, a mother going to prison automatically brought a child to the attention of social services (and likely still does). As a single child, to a single mother, to a series of changing and broken ‘fathers’ I believe that I rarely felt as if anything was stable. In turn, how I engaged with schools, friends, and interests led to a perspective of independence and uncertainty.

In my late teens and early twenties, before I found my heart and myself, the manner in which I interpreted change shifted. Somehow I managed to avoid losing myself to the opinion that ‘life sucks’. That said the drugs and alcohol that I consumed, and the manner in which I destroyed any friendship with insecurity fluctuated depending on how deeply I believed that ‘my life sucked’.

For all that (hi)story I do recall at various points a voice within telling me that everyone, including me, is special. So marked was this voice that it in some ways brought further chaos.  I was so caught up in the symptoms of change I was unable to recognize the good for the bad in many ways.

In the briefest glimpses of lucidity there would be a peaceful assurance. I recall one such moment as a fourteen year old. At the time I was living in a children’s home, called Caldecott Community. The dormitories had just been equipped with new furniture. I was, ironically enough, the child that was constantly moved from assigned space to assigned space. At the time I was told it was because I was the most flexible. In hindsight it might have had something to do with having a sharp mind, an inflammatory attitude, and a loud mouth (the clever kid with a broken attitude can be very, very annoying to other children - that was me). The memory in question involved me looking at myself in the new mirror hung on the back of a new wooden wardrobe door and studying my eyes. I sensed a peace within me that almost seemed to conflict with the rage that would so often wage a war within me. For the briefest of moments I recall that I knew that there is something within life, and within me, that was great. But so loud was the rage in those days that rarely did I pause as I did that day.

Yet for all those memories I find it interesting that in this time I find myself committed as I am to evolving myself. I see change as an opportunity to expand, to grow. By having been so lost to the dazzling changes about me, so influenced by instability I faced throughout my childhood, I’ve witnessed myself become something profoundly more than I was before. I’ve seen the creative process in action, and the depth afforded by my expansion through change is like a river that has cut a canyon through my life; the defining question being, how have I filled that canyon - with a raging current, or a steady and certain flow of life?

And yet what would have I been without these changes? I look now at all the change I’ve experienced from a very different perspective than I did even 5 years ago. My attitudes, beliefs and values have changed.  The person I am is the sum of these changes, and yet I am so much more than the sum of my parts.

I did not learn how to procrastinate, or to wait until I am ready, because I never had an opportunity to avoid change. In my childhood change was always thrust upon me I learned how to think on my feet like any latchkey kid. As a young adult, this insecurity drove me to always strive for more than the lack I was experiencing. And as an older adult I did not settle with a partner until I found someone who truly believed in the me I sensed myself to be.

As I look at my life to date I give thanks. All the violence, instability, and choices made for me created an opening. And in that opening eroded by change I could give birth to the consciousness that I am now. I have come to a place where I have begun living the mystery of life. I have just begun to see change for what it is and I accept it. I have moved to holding change in gratitude. For in this contemplation, this experience, I have come to see change as a natural part of my life. I can celebrate the memories both before and after the change, and in such acceptance I open myself most to the knowledge and wisdom change offers.

My experiences have brought to me first-hand knowledge that there will be change in the form of people coming and going, of things gained and lost. There will be experiences of less and more than expected. And if we can see change for what it is we will see it as transcendent and sublime. The deeper the cut of change the more opportunities we are afforded to expand, to become something more than we were before. In time, and if we can come to gracefully surrender and to accept, we will find a strength that results from change. When the soul is bared and the ego tested to the point of extinction we will learn a new way to see the world, and the change that both surrounds us and inhabits us.

From a place of strength change shifts from being a survival experience of blaming others, to an experience that reminds us of asking, what do I need to know to grow? Change shifts from our seeing closing doors, to asking ourselves, are we willing to go through whatever door change may open? And the greater the change we will come to learn that in time all things dissipate. The only constants come from within, and the more we align our thinking with surrender and acceptance the greater the serenity we will experience.

The most profound changes teach us to apply life’s teachings and transform our lives. I never truly excelled at school and yet here I am expressing myself through writing in this manner, and articulating a truth in my own unique way. My greatest gift has been the transformation I’ve experienced through the change I’ve witnessed. The greatest gift I could offer myself now is to evolve from acceptance of change to jumping into change. And from a place of graceful surrender to immerse myself in change, knowing that no matter what ‘thing’ might happen that the truth of who I am is infinity in action.

The experiences I have faced, that on one hand might tempt me to pride at how far I’ve come, cause others to nod in appreciative understanding, or shudder in consideration, have served to offer me a ‘before’ to compare to this now. The net result of these experiences is that I can truly celebrate change for the reminder that in remembering the truth of who I am, and what I have already endured. The greatest thanks I could bestow upon this gift of existence is to celebrate change as a reminder that I’ve come as far as I have. Given that I’ve only just begun it’s exciting to know that change has given me the opportunity to see how far I’ve already come.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So Powerful

Well, there's no doubt that my pace of posting and poetry has slowed down of late.  At first I was uncomfortable with this.  However, as I've been contemplating my life I've come to a place of peace.  Ministry takes many forms and when the time is right the poetry will flow.

I have been working through an interesting, and powerful, lesson of late.  The other night I was caught by fear.  It's mighty grip shook me as I stared at some financial numbers.  In spite of having stood on a stage only a few nights earlier as the headlining corporate sponsor for the Michael Beckwith event in Edmonton, and working non stop for the past two months I felt fear around abundance.  And more laughable still, I'm in the process of working with a private equity company on expanding my business.  The signs of financial freedom do not get any clearer, yet there I was feeling the crushing weight of the symptoms of an old mindset around lack.

How deep seated must this fear be to feel it so strongly at such a time.  I turned from the computer and went downstairs to share this with my wife.  And in her amazing presence she held consciousness with me.  She saw through my struggle with an amazing certainty.

In turn, I felt something snap within me.  I told my wife that, "I was done" with the fear of lack.  All my life I had faced scant balances, times of hunger and poverty, a childhood of struggle.  It was almost as if I was now moving through anger to a place of unfathomable determination.  My wife remarked that I had said the exact same words in the same way when speaking about being done with my 'degenerating' back 6 months ago.  It turns out that I was really was done with the symptoms of agonizing pain in my back.

Upon hearing this the truth became clear. I knew she was speaking the truth and felt the weight of fear fall from me like a lead weight. 

Sometimes the gift of the friends, and support network, we surround ourselves with become a safety net.  For all the work I've done this year I was reminded that I am human.  Fear finds me at the most unexpected of times.  The difference can sometimes be our closest friends.  So powerful they are...

So Powerful
So powerful is the lover's
embrace with the root of their love.
They know the essence of their beloved,
within all glance, encounter, and touch.

So powerful is enlightenment,
that unlocks mind from these forms.
When we learn to seek simple,
flattening time, space, and norms.

So powerful is the unlocking
of life's physical chain.
A knowing and a strength,
mightier than condition or pain.

So powerful are our supports,
that believe in our glory,
that hold us to our light,
and see straight through our story.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Monday, October 19, 2009

Delays

Sometimes the synchronicity of events is both inspiring and humbling.   I was reading a book on the plane the other day where the author wrote of a meeting she'd had with a Muslim woman.  The author herself had just been ordained as an interfaith minister and was enjoying the conversation when the woman she was speaking with remarked that all people should be as accepting as the author was.

In reading this I was reminded of how the focus and faith of my life is also of acceptance.  I looked about the plane and seeing that there was no one to dive into such a conversation with I settled back to enjoying the rest of the book and the flight.

But perhaps I should take a step back.  My journey had encountered a number of delays.  When we were about to take off we were held up by a man who'd arrived late.  Taking off some 20 minutes later we arrived late as expected from a 4.5 hour flight.  When I went to get a car home I found myself waiting in the wrong queue, and 30 minutes later found myself in a taxi heading home early in the morning. 

As I sat down in I felt myself in a centred, loving place.  I had spent much of the flight meditating, and as I settled back for the final stage of my journey I was very clear on the reality that these many delays were in Divine order.

The road conditions were icy.  The driver informed me that he would be driving very carefully and hoped I did not mind (another delay obviously).  I was genuinely at peace when I replied it would be no problem, and that the world would be a better place for his thoughtfulness.  He then explained that he had 7 children waiting for him at home and he appreciated my patience.

You might notice that I had many opportunities to get frustrated but because of my choice to stay centred and my spiritual practice I was open for what was to come.  I celebrate this growth on my part - I have struggled with such events in the past.

With the ice so gently broken the conversation continued.  Karim (this was the driver's name) and I started to talk about the world and the state of it.  To each comment he made concerning the challenges of the world I offered the perspective that I could settle for 'being the change I wanted to see in the world.'  It wasn't long before Karim spotted the spiritual context and the conversation shifted to Islam and what it meant to him.  As I conversed with him I spoke from a place of acceptance.  I commented that the world perhaps had missed the subtleties of history and the many hundreds of years of scientific and academic accomplishments by the Islamic world.  I also commented upon the fundamentalism of the crusades, and how that most of the major religions have undergone some violent phases in their history.

Looking directly at me in the rearview mirror he said, "There should be more people like you in the world.  Your attitude is an exceptional one and it is a pleasure to have met you."   Needless to say the passage I was reading only a few hours earlier jumped into mind.  Apparently I can manifest fairly quickly when I put my heart into it.  But the key message here is that had I not been in a place of true peace, and in the right taxi at the perfect time, I never would have had this wonderful conversation.

Karim, thank you.  I consider myself on a path of sharing love, acceptance and peace with others.  It is very touching when a stranger tells me that my coming from such a place makes me (in their minds) an exceptional person.  I do not need to be told this to live as I do, but it touches my heart when I am.

Delays
You may be later than expected,
delays may grab and shake your mind,
to frustrated destinations,
through inflated sense of time.

Think now for a moment,
of the truth of time and space.
Why let heat of moment's passing,
infringe upon your grace?

Regardless of delays,
that in truth do not exist,
the only present predicaments,
are centred moments missed.

When you come to know this,
your journey will ebb and flow,
time will change its meaning,
and space will shift to know.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Monday, October 12, 2009

Connection

The past few days of travelling to Winnipeg for Thanksgiving have been like a see-saw (or teetertotter) for me.  In one moment I am centred and in the next my mind jumps to 'whatifs' around the business and I feel a surge of excitement.  I've been fairly good at reminding myself that even when times are good that balance and being centred is important.

In thinking about this idea I spent some time contemplating the idea of connection.  During this period the following poem arrived.  I'm definitely in a place where I'd rather stay centred than in excitement at future possibilties.

Connection
How would the journey feel,
if we left goals at the feet of change?
What if the focus was connecting,
Divine flow far from strange?

Bringing finity to the physical,
seeking predictability.
But what part of us is comfortable,
with connection to timed-space that we see?

Living awareness of our feelings,
immersed in present, not in ends.
Unsolicited goals connecting,
love seen in strangers and in friends.

If there's something bigger than everything,
that's created the all that we know,
then surely the self too was created,
for us to connect, express and to show?

We're not needed to be only Being.
There's purpose to integrating whole.
To feel awe in our everyday lives,
takes willingness and connection to soul.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Freedom

I had an amazing event happen yesterday.  I can't get into details but suffice to say if things go as I'd like I will have a lot of freedom in my business future, to do what I am most passionate about, and accelerate the vision I have.

The beautiful thing about all this is that I've been focusing very clearly on creating financial freedom in the past.  I've been very deliberate in not getting specific in treatment.  When I'm in a position to share I am confident that you'll be wowed as I am, and see what I mean.

What was doubly intriguing though was that over the past week I've been reading about Freedom in class and meditating on the ideas of calmness, awareness, and grace.  After yesterday's meeting and the ensuing moment of excitement I felt myself suddenly feel very calm.  In my mind I heard the line, "...wonders never cease."  I realized that that could be the new greeting to replace "I'm divine."  I also realized that whilst it is sweet to find the light in darkness, that it's also very sweet to recognize grace during the moments of sweet success.

And then I got back to thinking about freedom and how closely it's connected to Unity.

Freedom
The search of the human mind,
is to be freed of objective chains,
shatter links of lack, want and poverty,
the fear of hereafter and pain.

We want to feel there's good,
in the world in which we partake,
to soothe split of being from self,
to integrate but not to forsake.

And yet in our quest for freedom,
we may swap one image for another.
Condemnation toward others,
strands ego that's left to recover.

For the mind to know true liberty,
without the self imposing will,
is as rare as actualization,
upon thinking of highest skill.

If Infinity cannot be divided,
upon itself, indivisbly,
then we must rediscover the axiom,
that with freedom walks Unity.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Disapointments

As we journey the road of life can we can hit disappointments. Our plans can fall apart and our expectations fall short. It becomes interesting when we look forward to something and things don't quite work out the way we had anticipated. I’m starting to believe that the difference between a vision and a plan is attachment. And the manner in which we live can influence our plans in the most unexpected of ways.


Disapointments

Make peace with the outcomes.
They're a step of happenstance.
Be clear about your peace,
pay it more than just a glance.

Where we need to really grow,
comes from a gentle place,
of self-care and compassion,
not a time-fraught scary place.

Remove yourself from anything,
that would pull your mind away,
from balance and the calmness,
in every minute, hour and day.

Despite whatever happens,
never lose anything to do,
with what you are as a person,
your being, or being true.

Look at your disappointments,
and learn how you can grow.
Swim trough the waves of sorrow,
live the joy your being sews.

Have an open willingness,
to look at the goals you set.
Are you overly pleasing others?
Called to know, then forget?

Use your mind and life experience.
Seek wisdom, be willing to look
at your life and mindless happenings,
and the decisions that you took.

There is no greater time than silence.
Listen and feel what you feel.
Allow yourself to be guided.
Don't let thoughts cajole and steal.

There is never loss or limitation,
only the stories that we tell.
Re-label, re-focus, and re-value,
come out from reason's spell.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Regardless

I've been thinking about some of the things I've been hearing of late from those I've been sharing time with and also of some of things I've read in the past.  The journey from a solitary perspective to a realization (and I might add place of grace) of something bigger than we are is full of many thoughts, words and adventures. 

The initial tentative motions into believing there's something on your side, to the early glimpses of what is possible are like the first glances outward from the nest by the young bird.  As we begin to flap our wings in preparation for flight we look about us and see others close by and marvel at the birds that swoop and glide so majestically in the sky.  We are struck by the grace and sublime motion, a part of us yearning to fly as others do.  Sometimes are caugtht up in this longing and our attention slips to comparison.  At others we are set on launching ourselves from the nest with a focus on what we will need to ensure successful flight.

Yet for all our sight, and the peception through our senses, there is a part of us that knows how to fly, that will always know what is needed.  Will our comparisons, or focus on things, distract us from the part of us that knows?  Perhaps.  But such moments are, I believe, both human and necessary.  There's something powerful in integrating both the brain that would analyze the nest, the tree, the sky and other elements about us, with that part of us that soar as we do. 

If we are aware we will come to recognize those moments when we let the reasoning overcome the knowing, the being.  And in time we will come to know that we know, regardless of what we may reason.

Regardless
Behind asking, "How am I?"
is a supreme calming Truth.
Carrying me from I to we,
regardless of status or youth.

When we've shifted from,
"Oh well" to, "All's well."
Past reaction without thought,
regardless of heaven or hell.

Focused on All, not judgment,
awareness practicing we.
Released of past and future.
Regardless of you or me.

Past treating for specifics,
or stockpiled purity,
is the seeking of Truth and awareness,
regardless of surety.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Play

I was driving this morning and reflecting upon last night.  I had gone to bed after meditation and realized that I was not managing to sleep.  After about 15 minutes or so an idea came to mind.  What if I meditated again?  Even if I fell asleep I would still accomplish the goal of slowing down and resting.  And a conscious meditation would be a great way to clear the way for sleep to come.

And so pulling myself from bed I went to my favourite chair and settled in. I cannot tell you how long it took me to fall alseep but I can say that the experience was dramatically different to nights past.  I awoke refreshed; so refreshed, in fact, that a poem jumped into my head this morning whilst I was driving back home.

The Play
Let sleeplessness,
be a thing of the past.
Let your practice be
your play, you the cast.

Allow relaxation,
onto your colourful stage.
Dim lights of excitement,
rehearse script of the Sage.

Be a lover of silence,
hear the Director guide.
Let the Vision sweep you,
and conviction provide.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Language

I am blissfully productive this week.  I am juggling multiple clients with my business, experiencing great joy with a family visit, and still being a father ever-present with my daughter when she comes to me.

This is a perfect time for me to practice consciousness.  It would be easy to start talking about how busy I am - but that would be counter-creative to my vision. It is one thing to establish what you want, and quite another to then undermine this by letting life take you over, and your thoughts think you.  And if your thoughts are chaotically undermining your vision then just imagine what happens to your words and body language?

With that in mind I was grateful for class last night.  It was a treasure to be there.  Before the class I was very, very tired.  I was offered the option of not going.  I was very glad I did.  My response was that God doesn't get tired and that I've committed to service.

And suddenly I started to come through my tiredness.  How we think and speak during times that would overtake us is critical.  At class I was humbled and honoured to support another with treatment.  I was mezmerized by the synchronicity of events between us. 

Language
Discover another language,
enlarge capacity.
Words of empowerment,
support the light you might be.

Focus on the growth,
through death's opportunity.
Vocabulary of Light,
enlightened and free.

Here to learn the lesson,
accepting powerful proof.
Loosening distinction of
separated words, to Truth.

Copyright 2009 (c), Carmien Owen

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Perception

I heard a saying today that really resonated for me.  "Whenever I heal my perception I give birth to freedom and meaning."  As you likely know life has a way of putting events in front of you designed for your growth.  I was speaking with a very close and dear friend about the past.  The conversation arrived at the concept of narcissistic behaviour, and the ensuing question as to whether I was also narcissistic floored me.

Once I had moved past the reaction I realized that this friend had known both the worst and best of me.  Their perception of me was as much in this moment as it was of a 10 year old boy that had difficulty trusting and loving himself, let alone focusing on others.  But more interestingly still was the inner emotional reaction the question had evoked.  I felt dread at the idea of being narcissistic.  As the feeling subsided and I found my centre I realized that there was some perception for me to heal, and reminded that the real work is within.

As a part of processing this event and emotions I wrote the following poem.  As I look forward I am certain of this - I pledge this life of mine to the service of others.  Whether as a poet expressing contemplation and vision, a Practitioner offering support and prayer, or a journeying soul learning how to balance passion with humility, my vision is clear.  And perhaps this dedication of mine is a reaction to the old me, the Carmien that would have put self-concern before others?  If that is the case, then I celebrate the question that was asked.  If nothing else, today I was reminded of how the perceptions that really matter are those you have of yourself.

Perception
Why be some-one when,
One could be all that you are?
Give birth to freedom and meaning,
as you heal perception and scar.

Let your mind transcend limitation,
be more than you'd dreamed you'd be.
Constantly absorb and share,
unconstrained by things and free.

In truth these words bring no meaning.
Without soul they are but a scratch.
It's the consciousness beneath these words,
that unlocks meaning of life from latch.

Let the motion of love surround you.
Know what you need to forgive.
Be clear on what you want.
Know how to let go and to live.

Express your Divine and true nature,
in a new and wonderful way.
Don't believe everything that you think.
Live in the bliss and the joy of this day.

Believe in yourself and the All,
that One that I know you to be.
Find others to believe in you too,
let symptom be learning, not plea.

All that is left for condition,
and how it is seen from within,
is devotion to all, soul and being,
to faith, hope and love herein.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Cosmic Light

I've had the pleasure of my foster mother visiting me from England.  As a result, I've not had as much time as I usually do to write. 

Molly was a light in the darkness of my earliest years.  Her spending time with me here in Canada is a wonderful experience, not least of which because I can share with her the intimacy of who and what I am becoming now.  This is a beautiful thing, and the moments we are sharing are lighting up my soul.

Cosmic Light
See the Cosmic Light.
Descended illumination.
Paths afire, bridges lit.
Mystical sensation.

Mystics have sensed this Light,
Yet we can see it too.
A light about everything,
illuminated true.

Cosmic Light comes not,
with effort to observe.
The kingdom is within,
enlightened as you serve.

Once you've seen Cosmic Light,
you'll never be the same.
There will be added serenity,
a graceful, certain flame.

Sense of calm and joyfulness,
from knowing and vitality.
Exuding to all, all about,
regardless of theology.

Whether in meditation or prayer,
intense communion will,
shine a new sweetness,
in your soul, light instill.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Past, Future, Present

During class tonight we were guided through a Jean Huston exercise for contemplating time. The focus was to consider time past, present and future from different perspectives, and to try and look at each aspects of time in different ways. In one part we were asked to let time past dominate our thinking and to look about us.


The following poem came to mind for me. It describes what came to mind for me as I let past, future and present dominate my thinking.

Past, Future, Present
Time past consumed by shadows,
from play and innocent games,
to future beckoning me,
inner anger rarely tamed.

Splinters of hinted Divinity,
suspecting love cast within.
Yet enamoured of reflections,
acquiring trinkets and things.

The future is fading present.
Vision brightly dissolved.
Enlightened grace a beacon,
outstretched hand never old.

No particular idea,
agenda, schedule or plan.
The present is the future,
blurred thought, word and hand.

Faith consumed by knowing,
surrendered to tranquil grace.
Heart giving, bestowing,
joy lived in every space.

Stillness I am now.
Breath in between the breeze.
Rustling of unfurling petals,
captivated and seized.

Beholden to inner yearning,
enlightened by humility.
Centred by my mindful learning,
delighted to simply be.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Sunday, September 20, 2009

From Belief to Be-Life

The idea of transformation and helping others to live life is a calling I’ve been drawn to in the past. That said in recent weeks I've been thinking more about this idea. I believe that I’ve shifted: It might sound very noble to help others, but I think I’ve come to a realization. Regardless of intent before I can ever hope to help others the reality is I have to learn about my own willingness to live life, to be life - I have go through transformation.

Perhaps ideas and attachments I have will have to die? Maybe I will spend the rest of my life going through cycles of release and growth, death and re-birth? I take solace in this; if I am open to change, growth and release, I am living life, perhaps even being life.

As a part of some self-enquiry I found myself staring at the word 'belief' and realizing that it seemed so similar to be-life. How subtle the shift from belief to being life, and yet how profound. As someone once said, the river of life may only be a quarter inch wide, but it is miles deep.

From Belief to Be-Life
From belief to be-life,
is as far as desire,
to transform yourself,
to be seen in your fire.

If you're working for success,
yet your heart isn't sure,
if you're not feeling any better,
what is there in more?

To be-life is not about,
books, words, or riches,
Sit still in silence,
live in peace, not in stitches.

To be-life is to go deeper,
into existence and allow.
To what degree can you lose fear,
give of yourself and endow?

How big is your God?
Are you great, or not so good?
How are you living your life?
In love, or fear and should?

To be-life is to release worry,
to journey with love and being,
to part ways with old friends,
doubt, anxiety, disagreeing.

To be-life is to accept,
yourself, right where you are.
As you get closer to putting down,
you may feel grief, pull of heart.

You may dally, stop and start,
or analyze, dig deep to cause.
Yet for all of your wandering,
there will never peace in more.

To be-life is to centre,
to be present, alive and whole,
to follow feeling to openness,
to connect, mingle with soul.

Suffering's created by clinging.
Go through, let work convert.
Give yourself to something bigger,
Be-life, declare victory, not hurt.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Friday, September 18, 2009

What If (Part 2)

The poem 'What If' is finished now and I would like to share a few more verses. There are more to come but I like to believe that I do not overly abuse the Blogging ideal with bloated posts.

Behind this poem lay a number of ideas. Ideals, faith, and the asking of the question 'What if...' is a powerful way to live. I try to avoid making statements, and strive to ask questions. Questions when asked from a place of grace are a beautiful way to explore the world. Like a blind person using their cane to feel their way around, people are rarely offended when they are gently tapped. And a question posed in grace knows that the leg is there before the cane even moves.

What If (Part 2)
What if knowing Source within,
is right hand to love for all?
Then surely we can know
flaws are intended call?

What if the eyes of grace,
withhold judgment from sight?
How worthy are aspersions,
on religion’s sordid blights?

What if love is beyond,
perceptions, good and bad?
What if events of death, are
learning to be had?

What if Source is truly all,
expect perhaps in our choice?
What if we chose Divine filter,
for our eyes, and rejoiced?

What if we were blind to judgment,
saw simple before perceived?
Would we not lose complication,
drawn within to achieve?

What if our introspection,
could be peaceful place?
Would our inward glance,
learn from acceptance and grace?

What if Divine refuses nothing,
and wants only our return,
with the benefit of experience,
and all that we’ve learned?

... to be continued.
Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, September 17, 2009

What If (Part 1)

I have spent the past couple of days travelling for business.  When I travel I find that I have lots of time to contemplate, meditate and to write. During the flight home I saw the movie Angels & Demons.  I am not about to offer a review but one line at the end got me to thinking.  The scene involves John Langdon and a Cardinal.  They are discussing events and the story is wrapping up.  The line that jumped out at me was:
"Religion is flawed because man is flawed."

As I considered these words my mind was drawn back to a poem I shared a few days ago called the Art of Religion.  When I was writing that poem I will confess that in my mind I was attempting to speak about interpretation of spiritual ideas and how consciousness has played itself out through extreme events in the name of religion through the years.

In my mind though I realized that I had missed something important with the Art of Religion.  Everything we experience is in God.  And if God is in everything then the flaws of religion, and man, are exactly as they should be.  Following loss and death comes detachment and rebirth.  These opposite ideas are not solitary - they are symbiotic.  Change forces us to grow, just as death calls us to be reborn in a way that brings us closer to who we truly are, not who ourselves would have us be.

I would like to share the first few verses of a poem I am writing around this idea.  It is not finished and is already 17 verses long.  But the first verses are ready for sharing.  Enjoy.

What If (Part 1)

What if religion is flawed,
because man is flawed in kind?
What if death and rebirth,
is the phoenix of our mind?

What if such revelation,
is but one step to tread,
a perspective without grace, that
would surely leave us for dead?

What if the venture to faith,
is what we discover within?
Would not flawed organization's
be tempting illusionary sin?

What if how we face,
our temples, shadows and church,
helps define our connection, and
limits the depth of our search?

What if the cycles of religion,
are as necessary as event,
a chance to unfold through wisdom,
before these footsteps are spent?

...to be continued.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Lightbulb

This morning as I was preparing for what may well be the most important business meeting to date for my business tomorrow, with the biggest client I may ever have (a global car manufacturing company with 100,000s of employees), an affirmation arrived in my email inbox:

Today I initiate actions that expand my impact. I am a change agent in my world. I make a difference.

I didn't consciously ask for a sign. But, as I think about it, I have been dealing with a number of thoughts that have jumped into my head. You might recognize them; the 'whatifs'. The analyst in me loves the whatifs. The analyst in me is very good at raising the whatifs.

What lit the moment for me was the awareness of both the statement and the timing. I count myself blessed to have the awareness, and humbled in the synchronicity that someone would pen such a perfect affirmation, dated on the perfect date.

And in that moment of grace I stepped away from the computer and picked up an idea I had a few weeks ago for a poem. This poem is about knowing that there will always be the energy you need, and that facing the shadows of ego's struggle in grace is what we need to do if we are to grow.

Lightbulb

Source provides electricity,
for life's lightbulb that shines,
but darkened stages have taught me,
brightest candescence follows decline.

It's not that the bulb isn't able,
to pierce any shadow or gloom,
but that we misuse our radiance,
in bringing order to the room.

Life's spectacular burn-outs,
force us into the dark.
To face shadow's deep enrichment,
experience augmenting the spark.

There'll always be bulbs aplenty,
infinitely lit through intent.
Don't be distracted by theatre,
or illusion that light could be spent.

Today is the time to flip
the switch and expand your glow,
to perceive the stage, and the players,
the stories, the plot and the show.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Sunday, September 13, 2009

May I

I got to thinking about the work that I've done in the part, about the death and the rebirth, about the suffering I've had.  All of this has been to bring me here and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yet much of this conversation has been at an intellectual level.  My earliest memory of walking in on my father shooting heroin was covered in a fog.  Yet as I truly process this, on the emotional level of my heart, I begin to sense that he was descending into his underworld.  I've come to understand the choices he made were a reflection of my mothers.  He opted to let her leave with me because her mothering instinct was more powerful than staying with him and his heroin addiction.  But she was far from done with her descent.  I think that in many ways she was lost until her final days.

I got to thinking today about the abuse of my childhood, of how her being lost in the depths and darkness of her life, led to an environment of anger, fights and lovelessness.  I also realized that I saw her the summer before she passed away.  I realized she always wanted me to make the choices she was never able to.  She wanted me to be good, to serve, to love and be loved.  She wanted the best for me, partly as my mother, but also because a part of her wanted to live her good through me.  In that final visit, with my wife, I think she finally saw that I had come through my own death (another story) and could be done.  Perhaps that's why after many years of telling me she was dying to bring me back to England that she finally chose to spend 3 months actually dying in the hospital without telling me.  She was finally able to rest and tend to her own healing.  The Being in me loves her for that.  The self in me sheds tears.

May I


It’s not that I’ll never suffer,
but may I see sacred as I do.
It’s not that I’ll never be shouted at,
but may I be centred in Truth.

I’m certain that I’ll be criticized,
that many will disagree.
Pleasing others must be pointless.
May I be blessed and humbly me.

It’s possible I may be abused,
that life may hit me hard.
That somewhere beneath this surface,
this life may tear me apart.

My heart may be shattered and broken,
through loss, change and pain.
May the movement of God change everything.
May I never look outside to blame.

May I always see the world,
all people, events and loss,
as choices reflected through Source,
only here is there truly a cost.

May my ego break open to soul.
May my Truth mingle with yours.
May I shift to soul’s point of view.
May I know my true self in my thoughts.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Fearlessness

One of the greatest lessons during my life has been anger. My earliest years as a child were peppered with abuse, shouting, fighting, aggression, and alcohol-fuelled knife wielding by parent figures.

In turn I learned how to be angry, how to express my anger, and how to let my frustration at that which did not resonate with my inner yearning to come through me as a growl or a shout. I would escalate my anger, to the point of tears and a gut-wrenching swell.

In time I came to discover that this anger was a symptom that followed when I felt helplessness or fear. As I looked back to my childhood I started to realize that I must have felt very helpless, and filled with fear as those that I should have been able to love lived through their anger.

Through the realization of helplessness come another: In forgiving myself, and those who contributed to this lesson, I have found a gift. In finding peace I have found a gentleness and calmness. And in slowing down to understand this lesson I have discovered a fearlessness. This poem is a reflection of my journey, of how I had to lose myself in my doubt, and be stirred by awe to shed the first tears of healing.  Only in finding tenderness have I been able to discover fearlessness.

Fearlessness

There is no dry land,
amid the ocean that you chart.
Your wind is your fearlessness,
and it blows from your heart.

The course to your freedom,
is beyond waves of concern,
through storms of restless anxiety,
slow, find that which you yearn.

Drop anchor, relax with your fear.
Drive into moments of doubt.
Let wonder evoke that first tear,
and tender child within swim out.

Real fearlessness comes from within,
product of tenderness and awe.
Feel the ocean woo the drop,
and never have need of the shore.

Copyright (c) 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Art of Religion

This past Tuesday marked a return to Practitioner training, and it was great to see everyone again. As ever the discussion was lively and interesting. We've started to look at world religions and I am revelling in what there is to learn.

I had begun a poem in class and last night, after a very productive day, had set the intent to sit down. But after a while of searching I realized that the subject I had chosen and the resulting verses were not sitting right for me. I put down my pencil and undertook some self-enquiry. One realization was that I was trying to force a poem because I had not written one since Monday.  For someone used to writing a poem every day or so that seemed wrong.

"Ah ha", I thought. "That is hardly a basis of grace!" Fortunately, I did not need to answer myself. I simply put the poem down, unfinished, and released attachment.

And in release I opened the way for another poem to write itself through me. This poem was stirred as I read about the goals of various religions, and how extreme minorities have represented such goals to the world over many years.

The Art of Religion

The irony of necessity,
experienced bloody hand.
The art of religion,
ego taking stand.

A cocktail of humanity,
part ego, divine, perception.
Non-mystics teaching seekers.
Is control meted exception?

Perception adds complexity,
to relationship with Source.
Intimate experience,
art not to be forced.

Yet structure loses message,
guiding through complexity.
Bewildering world peace,
brotherhood perplexity.

Obfuscated messages,
of killing, and stealing.
Radicalized affront,
antithesis revealing.

But how to throw a rope,
without ego driving cast?
We share the destination,
and lessons of our past.

Others are not wrong,
the answer is within.
Through eyes of gift and love,
can we can see that we're akin.

Let seekers be inspired,
to discover for themselves,
that no other has all answers,
for the Being self has veiled.

Find your own brush or pen,
or chisel as you must.
For the art of religion,
is a masterpiece of trust.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Monday, September 7, 2009

Calling

Through the process of posting my poetry online I’ve been able to give the gift of sharing these words, and in turn receive the gift of comments and feedback directly from those reading the poems I write. One particular exchange inspired the following poem.


Calling

It’s time to seek nirvana,
enough is enough, I say.
Whether Samadhi, Divine, or Atma,
no greater time than today.

See that which is within you.
Be blind to all unknown.
Or you can accept your ignorance,
let integration be your zone.

It’s a calling of my life now,
to live quest for clarity.
These words, they surely write me,
point to Unity.

I wear the robes of a guide,
one of many that do on this earth.
Coming down from the garden,
aiding others in rebirth.

As these images linger,
they provide acceleration,
amplify your awareness,
through your contemplation.

We ‘all’ have gifts and talents.
A calling is when we’re drawn,
to share for the sake of giving,
because we love to adorn.

Dissolve to your calling and giving,
Let Infinity become your point.
Succumb to calling through love,
incorporate and anoint.
 
(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Presence In All (a Spiritual Mind Poem)

Of the callings I have there are two that stand out for this poem: I love to write poetry from a metaphysical perspective, and I'm training to be a spiritual coach, or Practitioner. Then an idea came to me: Why not try and write a spiritual mind treatment, or affirmative prayer, as a poem in my particular poetic style?


Two days after this idea I opened the binder for term 3 of Professional Practitioner training. For the first week's written homework we are asked to write and use a Spiritual Mind Treatment to see the presence of God in all people and all religions.

Presence in All
With One Divine Mind,
in through, and as all,
I celebrate this Unity,
expressed in joyous thrall.

I now fall back to simple,
my sight sees all the way.
Eternal values in statement,
scripture's story purveyed.

I know religion and faith and Truth,
are One, as are all people.
Presence from beneath the ground,
and beyond the highest steeple.

Regardless of creed or belief,
the spiritual certain to evolve,
experience always a new thing,
and religion's history dissolves.

I see the presence of Source,
in all religions and ideals,
the glory of virtuous circles,
through knowledge and journey revealed.

In grateful knowing I detach.
I now set the Law into motion.
I release and know it was so,
before I even conceived of this notion.

And so it is!

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Fierce Grace

At service today our beloved Reverend, Patrick Cameron shared a story of his visit to his family, in Minneapolis.  It's been about 4 years since he was last there and he had the opportunity to visit his eldest sister.  Born into a family of 13 children Patrick was, in many ways, raised by his eldest sister.  And now he was returning to the place of his birth to visit with a sister who had suffered a series of strokes that had, in effect, broken her body.

However, as he looked into her eyes he could see a 35 year old woman trapped in the body of a 65 year old.  He held her hand.  Holding awareness and looking to the One Mind for guidance he realized that he simply needed to be present.  And in turn, he remembered that a book he had found the day before called, "Broken Open."  It had a passage in it where Ram Daas' journey and expression following a stroke was related. 

As I sat listening with tears running down my face I realized that I myself had just been reading a passage in 'The Principles of Healing", where the author pretty much says, when you enter the presence of one who's body is broken you must see the God within them and know the God within you.  And in hearing the passage in Broken Open the following poem's words mingled with the tears on the page of my journal.

Fierce Grace

I can always hold your hand.
I can be present, in Love with you.
I have no right to ask questions.
My soul now here to soothe.

We can discover this heavy grace.
Sit in silence, forgetting time,
and as fierce grace takes ego,
may you see my truth Divine.

Behind the best and worst of me,
is who I really am.
Stand strong in the fiercest grace.
Let it break me from my stand.

The opportunity, the privilege,
helpless to Divine touch.
Reality through my seriousness,
fall from pity into love.

Awaken and pick up your joy,
like a footstep in stride of grace.
Connect beyond the physical,
see me in the eyes of my face.

My tears fall not for sympathy.
They are joy for the soul you are.
The truth of enough is right now,
a conscious, inevitable heart.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Essence

I started to write this poem a few weeks ago and stopped after the first two verses.  I was sitting in a restaurant and a beautiful young woman walked in.  As I observed the moment I could feel my self attracted to her.  She was both gorgeous and filled with the freshness of life.  Yet at the same time the Being within me prompted the realization that her body, her looks and her apparent age were all of this physical world. 

My contemplation reminded me that all that we see on this world are projections from the world of forms.  The story of Plato's cave speaks of this.  The central idea is that what we long for here is the rememberance of the essence, the spiritual form, behind that which we see.  This is why we are so enticed by the allure of the material world through wants, yet no matter how much we acquire we will never truly be happy.

Today I finished the poem.  Whilst walking through a mall I was reminded of the earlier poem and finished it off as the experience resolved to completion for me.  Enjoy.

Essence

I sense I’m drawn to timelessness,
in young and those born new.
The forms beyond the surface,
the essence I pursue.

Is the spell of beauty,
love’s aesthetic of beyond?
Forms on projected surface,
essence for which I long.

The dazzle of material,
logo’s luring sweetened brand,
enticing sense of essence,
grasped by the shadowed hand.

Wandering shopping’s frenzy,
eye contact less than rare.
Do you share your Divinity,
with the essence that is there?

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thank You

I had a very interesting experience today. As you may know I recently linked carmien.com to this blog and sent an email for emails I had for my friends. I happened to grab a list of names from the men's group a the Centre, which happened to have an email for someone I don't know, nor have I ever emailed before.

Within a couple of hours I received an email back. I won't get into the details, but suffice to say I read it and then deleted it, moving on with my day. However, it kept coming back to mind. I checked in to my emotions and realized that I was not bothered by it. And then on the drive home it came to me.

I had an memory of Reverend Patrick Cameron telling us a story at the Circle of Love about a man that came up to him after the service, looked him in the eyes (to which Patrick was expecting a gazing expression of love) and then said, "Patrick, you talk to much."

The only reply Patrick could think of was, "Thank you."

And then it came to me. Deleting the email was not the answer. In spite of my having grown significantly around such an event (self-esteem in the past would have led me to feeling insecure and needing to defend myself after days of stewing on it), I realized what I had to do.

The answer to any confrontation is love. Know they are loved. Know that you are loved. And a "thank you" is the perfect response. And even though I seriously doubt this person will see this poem, that my friends is not the intent...


Thank You

There used to be a day,
your opinion triggering doubt,
whether in passion or vitriol,
I would reel at your shout.

The words of your aspersions,
would eat at me for days.
I would fire up my reply,
with 'clever' words to say.

Yet the truth of such matters,
lies in simplicity.
Genuine "Thank you" is perfect.
Only your words can you see.

I would never claim enlightenment;
world's journey's without end.
Such a claim would be an arrogance,
to drive Soul round my bend.

Instead I hold love for you,
see the Divine that you are.
Knowing opinion is perfect,
that you are walking your path.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Work in Progress

The past few days have been filled with grace. I've seen a steady week of feeling at peace shift into joy over the past few days. And in turn, the experience is a wondrous one. As for posting blogs - well, I've been productively blissful with clients. The two projects I'm involved with could well be the most exciting and interesting I've ever worked on.

And through all that I've been able to work on a poem. It's not finished yet, but I thought I'd share a couple of verses from it. For an example of the experience - I was able to write four verses today as I ate lunch between meetings with clients. This might not mean much to others, but for me it signifies a significant transition - I'm carrying my grace and awareness with me through my work, and that is magical.

Excerpts from Untitled (as yet)

Staying mindful to who you are,
integrated interior,
being true to needs and wants,
actual choices, not inferior.

Be in right relationship,
like a tree with its leaves,
swayed in spontaneity,
soul's choices through the breeze.

Look to efforts all around,
yet know that we're unique.
Define your line of what is,
your own way you're to seek.

Give way to integration,
entirely pure and kept.
Bestow your fulsome love,
not the shadows of your death.

Talking toward my selfhood,
was my effort of proving worth.
Self and being now grow together,
like a belt tending love's girth....

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

I'll hopefully have this completed within the next couple of days.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Sacred Self

I had a relaxing Saturday filled with reading and contemplation. Some thoughts by Wayne Dyer on Sacred Self stood out and inspired a poem. It's quite long as my poems go so I'm only sharing the first half.

Sacred Self

Chance is a random phantom,
of no import to me.
I rely on intuition,
in all that I see.

Appreciating everything,
the connection in events.
Seemingly unrelated,
to see our role's extent.

To understand the process,
and our role to set the tone.
Shadowed coincidence,
No sacred self alone.

I'm beyond the start of seeing,
the magnificence of all
I'm floored beyond my filling,
receiving through my awe.

Transcending definition,
of organic that I am.
Complete with sense of power,
I'm Divine lighted hand.

Through focus and awareness,
I see the Truth Divine.
Flowing clearly back to me,
this sacred self of mine.

Connection now complete,
to everyone and everything.
Conscious dominating,
of my self by way of being.

The One flowing life force
realized beyond the seen.
Divine no race, no colour,
no religion, or action mean.

Fulfilled of who I am,
connected and expressed.
I've become the heart and eyes,
the sacred self, no less.

Accepted understanding,
of wisdom's emanation.
Even the most small,
subject to contemplation.

Comprehensive greater good,
these gatherings to create.
Knowing there's no consequence,
surrendered in Truth's wake.


(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Thursday, August 27, 2009

From Whence True Wisdom Springs

I had a great night at the Centre's mens group. I went in with the intent to hold consciousness and to know that the right and perfect unfolding of the experience for those gathered in community. My vision consists of seeking the simple and supporting as I journey.

It feels as though this beautiful journey becomes richer and more profound the more I seek simplicity. And yet my soul sings at the return I am making.

During the check in I mentioned my experience with the Circle of Love. And in turn was asked to share more in detail later. It was wonderful to watch the love I felt reflected in those about me. We spent time speaking of spiritual practice and meditation. What wondrous subjects to share. And I am grateful for learning about what a sweatlodge is. I could see the light in the storyteller's eyes...

But before the meeting I started a poem that I'd like to at least get some completion to. It would be a fine way to capture a thought I had earlier today.

From Whence True Wisdom Springs

I wish I could relate,
What happened since this birth.
Of the simple moments treasured,
from this death here on this earth.

Fallen to complexity,
A need to be myself,
To wander shadow's garden,
explore, distract and delve.

I turn now to simplicity,
to Unity's singular call.
I witness body's cleansing,
Soul utterly enthralled.

The return now is clear to me,
All fears are cast aside,
the vision set so long ago,
now the cresting of this tide.

I know not what's to come of this,
nor do I even care.
For the why, how and end of it,
would taint the purest prayer.

Love's pursuit of unity,
a turn from outward things.
Ignoring sights of the world of forms,
From whence true wisdom springs.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My First Visual-Poetic Expression

Those of you who know me will know that I am training to be a Practitioner with the Centre for Spiritual Living. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept think of a Practitioner as a Spiritual Coach.

As a part of the training we were given a book called Return to the One to read and prepare a thought paper for. I am truly grateful that this assignment was given for the summer. I spent close to two months reading the book and taking notes.

Last week as I went through the most transformative week to this point in my life I had an idea. Why not take two of my gifts and create a paper from a fresh perspective. I love to write poems and I enjoy capturing ideas in visual images. I am bringing these two forms of expression together in a vision that will be my first visual-poetic expression.

What do I mean by a visual-poetic expression? Well, I've been working for the past few days transcribing the notes of the past couple of months from my journal. And tonight I managed to write some 15 versus for the first section on Plato's Cave, and another 16 versus for the final section, the Return of the Soul. The imagery will seek to provide an obvious and literal presentation of an idea, while poetry will seek to expand upon those ideas through metaphorical and mystical avenues.

Here's a verse from the final section as a preview. I'm confident that this verse will remain (mostly) untouched for the final version.

We live on an island of knowledge,
Surrounded by wonderous seas,
And as our knowledge expands,
so do our shores of mystery.

And here's one (of eight) visual interpretation of the path Plotinus charts for us to return to the One. The images in the paper will be accompanied by some writing to literally describe the concept.

If you're interested in seeing the finished paper email me and let me know. I'd be delighted to share. It may be a few weeks before it's ready though. Preparing hundreds of versus of poetry is just the start. But I've got 7 of the 8 images already created and I've also got a kind soul in BC who is willing to review this effort (they're a Minister, a writer, AND passionate about Plotinus).

And as a messenger recently reminded me, I am on a quest for clarity. I'd love to hear if I helped to translate Plotinus' legacy clearly through this work. It sets the stage for a greater vision I have in mind.
(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

How Soft

Imagine the following setting: I am driving my 2 year old daughter to daycare, she's crying because she's just had 2 weeks vacation, struggling with the change in rhythm, and there's nothing I can say that will calm her down.

And so I turn on some music. I'm listening to Stefan Mitchell's album, Simple Gifts. I bought it at the Circle of Love. I simply asked Stefan to recommend the CD that meant the most to him.

What music! What a beautiful gift he has. Before long I was crying like a baby, my heart cracked open. For a while, both my daughter and I were crying.

And then then she fell silent, lulled by Stefan and love into a peace from her distress. The following poem came to mind as we finished the drive this morning and I thought I'd share it with you.

How Soft

How soft my face is now,
the tears of joy I've cried.
You cracked my heart wide open,
I feel You at my side.

How soft the melodies You breathe,
the sweetest words You call,
the quickening You bring to me,
through Your bliss, Your love, Your all.

How soft my eyes flood happiness,
Drenched windows to my soul.
But no windows are needed now,
For You've brought down the wall.

How soft my gentle heart is now,
my being and my self,
both expressing Your song in harmony,
in the ocean's drop Your wealth.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Pre-Paving

Elizabeth Fayt came to the Edmonton Centre for Spiritual Living today. Her gift for simply stating obvious truths is profound. And her ideas around pre-paving add a beautifully clear voice to the chorus of Truth. While listening to her speak this morning she inspired the following.

Pre-Paving

Free-flow of my thinking,
By the morning's end I'm drowning
in vibration by default.
Not fit for the lover's crowning.

Swept away by this life,
in the back seat of the car.
More time spent choosing the model,
than connecting with my heart.

Let God flow through you freely.
Pre-pave the path you walk.
Take the turn in your hands,
mindful of thoughts, and your talk.

Think once of what you want.
Clean the slate and make all clear.
All memories of what has gone before,
Know your dreams are already here.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

A Meditation in the One

The following poem came to mind during my meditation this morning. The way in which I perceive meditation has greatly shifted and I think this poem begins to capture this new perspective.

A Meditation in the One

At first I thought I was floating,
simply lifting away.
And then I knew it was simpler,
It was You having Your way.
Any sense of me now dwindling,
At once all was One, not two,
Emanation within now coursing,
I now know what I have to do.

To focus on One, not self.
To see simple in everything.
To be almost as equally simple.
To listen, rather than sing.
To know prudence, justice, and kindness.
To honestly temper their worth.
To generously lose real interest,
in those things now caught here on Earth.

The body is owed only duty,
passion must fade to the din.
My true person rooted in Mother,
sated with spendour within.
I drink Presence, pure and simple,
I embrace inner simplicity.
The body, the lower, the higher,
No longer the all of me.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

Friday, August 21, 2009

No Concern of Yours

I got to thinking about unconditional love during a workshop with Dr. Rick Moss at the Circle of Love. In his session on relationships and love he talked about the idea that we often confuse like with love. And that for the most the concept of unconditional love is rare. If anything even mature romantic love that passes the early stages of infatuation is still based on an arrangement of receiving (if you're nice and do this, I'll be nice to you).

And the more I thought about the idea of what love should be the more I realized I aspire for spiritual partnerships in my life, not relationships. Surely the goal should be a love where the way in which I love is of no concern to the one being loved.

And why should there be concern from the one being loved? I love them plain and simple. I do not need them to feel any need to return this love in any form if it is unconditional.

No Concern of Yours

I love you,
and it's no concern of yours.
Without pre-conditions,
or regard for our flaws.

I cut the strings of hope,
I ask for nothing back,
True giving unconditionally,
No demands broken, or stacked

upon this love I give,
preference is not imbued.
No response to receiving,
or ever fulfilled anew.

This giving doesn't feel good,
it transforms and unites.
An expression of our nature,
not bestowed to excite.

From a natural state of being,
I'm your ocean and your shore,
I extend this love to you,
and it's no concern of yours.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

What's Inside You

Rumi was a Persian Sufi master who lived 1207-1273. I had heard snippets of his poetry and some quotes in the past. But at the Circle of Love I was truly introduced to Rumi by a Sufi Shaikh, Kadir Helminski.

I purchased a little book called, 'The Pocket Rumi'. And as I began to read through it I was struck, beautifully so, by the wisdom contained within. I suspect that posts and poems in the future will be inspired by Rumi (and will be introducing a new tag to allow readers to focus just on my poetry inspired by Rumi).

In the first section of the book, called Rubaiyat, I was struck by a verse numbered 491.

Whoever sees You and doesn't smile,
whose jaw doesn't drop with awe,
whose qualities fail to increase in a thousand ways,
can only be the mortar and bricks of a prison.



And then a poem was revealed.

What's Inside You

Think about the people,
you did not smile at today.
Did you fail to feel their Source,
did you cease to love their ways?

Were their warts your perception?
Did a 'feeling' not speak of God?
Was pretention hidden from you?
Was the best you could do a nod?

Then look to the bricks and mortar,
of who you must surely be,
and ponder, my beloved, for a moment,
what's inside you that you see.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen (Rumi verse copyright of Rumi)

A Messenger

I met a chap called Arnold at the Circle of Love. During a moment we shared he conveyed a message to me. He told me that he could see that I was on a quest for clarity. He said other things but truth be told I do not remember it all. But I do remember the overwhelming sense of love, and that he was delivering a message that I needed to hear.

I am on a quest for clarity. This new phase may be but a next-beginning, but it has begun in earnest.

A Messenger

You were a messenger,
Your words they touched so softly,
You spoke of clarity, of grace,
You were God in that place.

Your words words held me carefully,
You bowed as I did to,
Your hand I had to kiss,
And I cried the joy in you.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

For My Beloved Spiritual Partner

My wife is my spiritual partner. She sees me as I am and asks only that I see into her.

As I contemplated my recent work and the person I am now become I realized that in her is that place where my-self can be safe. Love flows between us. And love also brings up that which is not love. We are our partnership to reveal and release.

In recent times she has needed me. She has needed my intimacy. I see that now, and I listen.

For My Beloved Spiritual Partner

From the child lost and afraid,
and a life of abuse in my trust,
I have come now to clarity,
To look to you, speak as I must.

In to me, may you see,
For at last I have seen,
I am sure you will be pleased,
How within intimacy, we can be.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen

An Iranian Circle of Love...

I was sitting with some holy souls yesterday and overheard a conversation. Much to my delight I was able to listen. I did not comment upon the discussion but instead reflected upon what had been shared.

You will have likely heard of the unrest in Iran. Word has it that men are being paid to inflict physical pain and cause unrest amongst those that are meeting in protest at what is happening. Well, a story was shared about an incident in Iran that lifted my soul.

What lifted me? I heard of an event where some young people spotted some of these men beating up another man and simply formed a circle about them. They did not strike them. They did not threaten them. These young, beautiful Iranians simply held a consciousness of love. And the mercenaries of hate, well, they just stood there and melted.

Regardless of the hearsay or potential for deviation, what a beautiful story! And as for the discussion - what I did do was to write the following poem and share it with those who had discussed the story. This was the only thing I had to contribute to the conversation.

An Iranian Circle of Love

Even from the throne of dispair,
Something is kindred within,
To face the child's washed brain,
With love and smothering sin.

From the silver of dissent,
Young carers circle and smother,
The crowds silenced and still,
You are with us now, the lover.

(c) Copyright 2009, Carmien Owen