The Power of Disappointment

I pondered for a few moments how best to start this blog but I shall settle for clarity.  It turns out that the private equity investor who had been discussing working and investing with my company has pulled out.  This is after 4 months of discussions, meetings, and literally having 1 meeting to go.  His reason mainly focused around the challenges in his life.  He made it very clear that my potential was not the challenge; rather with the passing of a friend this week he had found himself questioning and prioritizing what is important to him.

I can definitely relate to this.  It is essential to be clear about what we want.  In speaking with him over the past few months I had come to know someone who had been very successful monetarily, but in the years I've known him he's appeared to be unsatisfied.  I am glad he has come to a place of clarity around his own vision and needs, and that he is honouring who he is.

I did sense this yesterday (and the day before) at an intuitive level when he cancelled the final meeting without an explanation, but at the time I felt compelled to see how it played out. As I think back to the last meeting I initially wondered internally if he was pulling back then.  Over the past 2 days I have had moments of 'fear'.  The inner-conversation would start with the worst case scenario (which did indeed manifest) but I would reply that whatever happened is God in action (which indeed is the case).

I am clear that there is Source in action here. I am also clear that my intuition is becoming clearer. This deal did not proceed because there is a greater truth ahead. Knowing this provides, in this moment, a calmness. 

The key element is to see the Divine in all. What would have been disappointment in the past, I think a very high level of disappointment, is currently a peace. As I pause to reflect on whether I am being fully honest I am reminded of the grief cycle. Am I numb, in denial? I do not think so. Will disappointment surge in the coming days? I shall be both watching and continuing my Spiritual practice; but as I dig within I cannot help but feel a sense of certainty.  I will confess that the idea of accelerating the growth of my company in this way was exciting.  I believe in what I do professionally and could savour the scenario where I had been approached by a private equity company in such a manner.  And I am not alone in this.  In December I supported the successful delivery of a proof of concept project with one of the largest car manufacturers in the world.  Such companies are not used to dealing with small boutique consulting shops. 

As it happens the past few days have been filled with a great spiritual connection. Much of my time has been spent in contemplation, meditation, and journaling (all good practices). It would seem that I am living the axiom that the Universe does not put in front of us that which we are not capable of overcoming. In considering this axiom against the light of this moment I can only conclude that this is an opportunity to show growth, and that I am exceeding this challenge. 

Anyone with an ounce of self-awareness can look at themselves in the mirror and appreciate where they have come from.  An older 'me' would have been crushed by this.  It would have reinforced hidden beliefs and challenged my self-esteem.  Instead, here I am praising the man for his clarity and focus, and responding to my own conversation through a blog with ease and grace.  If there was ever a moment to know if I am a Practitioner it is now.  To see a prized 'dream' go up (apparently) in smoke would have made the older 'me' very sad, angry, and disappointed.  But at this moment I celebrate the fact that I am a better person.

I will take a day or two to contemplate how I will respond to my friend.  It must have cost him a great deal to write that email (some might wonder why he did not choose to tell me this face to face, or phone me.  To them I would say that this must reflect how he must feel right about now).   But I claim the gift of seeing the flow of God in this.  It is through such experience that we learn who we are, and grow stronger.  As someone who has committed myself to the path of a Practitioner I can only conclude that this is simply one more step in moving me to a place where I can most effectively transform others.  The obvious stated treatment of getting this investment in place may not have manifested, but a greater consciousness on my part has - And that my friends is a powerful transformation.  Seeing God in what should have been one of the most significant disappointments in my life is powerful stuff. Having the clarity to bear this in a public blog is a testament to my self-esteem.  And contemplating how I can support this brave soul is walking a walk I can stand behind.  As a Practitioner we are called to see the God in all we meet.  I have exceeded this challenge and more importantly can appreciate that just because it didn't work out how we expected does not mean that we didn't manifest exactly the way we were supposed to.

Blessings, joy, and peace my friends.